Another one!

First things first, I think I'm really beginning to WANT that neat Konad stamping system for your nails. I think it's super cute to have certain things on your nails. I'll consider purchasing it or adding it to a wish list at a later date. It's not expensive at all, either, especially since I just want the stamper/scraper set, two special polishes, and one design plate. That amounts to about 30USD.

. 

The above photo is a photo of incredibly adorable/delicious things I have accumulated recently. It's a small amount, obviously, because I didn't put any makeup in. 

Left to right back row: Mushables kitty that meows when you squeeze it. Trolli Brite Crawlers (and the photo is backwards...sorry). EASTER DINOSAUR. front row: cute headbands: satin black, brown feathers, black/white feathers. adorable photo album from baby shower AND the new sunglasses I got yesterday. 

I have plans for those sunglasses, aside from using them to shield my eyes from the evil sun. They are super retro cute. I also have a lei on loan for photo purposes. Don't worry; all will unfold soon.

I'm still using my tanning lotion. I'm considering using the stuff that does it super fast instead of the one I'm currently using. IDK. It doesn't last very long. I have to buy a new bottle like..every two weeks or so. I haven't though because I don't use it every day. I use it twice a day though for about a week to have a nice tan for a few days, and then I decide that my paleness is OK and leave it alone. 

I did not study for my history final at all, and I hate myself. I should probably go to sleep right now. 

I may watch a movie first. I am having a lot of difficulty sleeping, and I don't want to take valerian root tonight because I need to be up to take my final at 3:30.

I discussed some of the changes I'd like to make to my bedroom with my mother, and she seemed OK with them. I told her I want different blinds and curtains for temperature control. I also think I want to change the theme in here--not sure though. I am still really sad that I didn't get the amazing rainbow set from Target. :o/ It was so cute. 

I love calamine. And I love my eye cream. 

Good night. 

My list is not complete.

Mehron Palettes:

Metallic

Tropical

Pastel

Basic 

(all of them)

Stila:

Eyes

Kajal Eye Liner:

Onyx

Topaz

Emerald

Sapphire

Smudge Pot:

Black

Bronze

Eye Shadow:

Marrakesh Palette

Precious Pearl Palette

Mascara:

Lash Visor 

Face:

Hydrating Primer SPF 15

Illuminating Liquid Foundation in 10 Watts

All Over Shimmer Liquid Luminzer

Perfecting Concealer in a, aa, b, c, and e. 

Cheeks:

Baked Cheek Duo in Pink Glow

Convertible Color:

Lillium

Gladiola

Petunia

Peony

Rouge Pot:

Amaryllis

Jasmine

Lotus 

Water Lily

Lips

High Shine Lip Color:

Diane

Guinivere

Louise

It Gloss:

Inviting

Lip Liner:

Contour No. 20

Lip Color:

Cynthia

Miranda

Fiona

Kelly

Luce

Nicole

Olivia

Darla

Lip Glaze:

Apricot

Fruit Punch

Black Cherry

Honeydew

Lemongrass

Strawberry

Red Apple

Sweet Orange

Watermelon

Scents:

Jade Blossom Eau de Parfum

Jade Blossom Hair Refresher

So as one can see here, I want lots and lots and lots of makeup items (though the scents don't count--I NEED THEM). 

And this is not an exhaustive list. I didn't mention anything from lots of other companis that I like, like Everyday Minerals (it's not here because I actually will purchase those items---I love them, particularly the Snuggle blush). 

I should have put up a wish list for Lush and Best Bath Store. Ha. Maybe I can do that tomorrow. For now, I have decided to give my mother a manicure for mother's day and a nice card that I have not made yet. I'm also going to nom this giant bag of Trolli Sour Brite Crawlers worms that my mommy got me at the store. They don't seem to make the gummy octopodes anymore, and that makes me extremely sad. They were my favorite things in the world to nom. 

I got my ULTA catalogue today which is exciting and a problem. I have only today to get my free gift for spending so much money there in January, but I don't feel like going to get it, and it's only a bottle of nail polish (of which my ULTA has a poor selection) or one of their eyeshadows, which I don't like. I could probably find something, but I'm just not in the mood to go, and my thing expires tomorrow. I do plan to do some shopping there soon though because I just want stuff. We all know that. Also they sent me a super sweet coupon, and lots of stuff is on sale, and I love shopping. I could get some hair stuff or some mascara or something. I do so love buying those things. I also found a curling iron I want. I need a new one. I think I'm going to let my hair grow out for the summer just so I can curl it in different ways. I like having curled hair, but I HATE curling it. It takes forever. I need to find a new face primer. I want to try the Sally Hansen one. Right now I am using various things.  I could also use more hair accessories. Hmm...I think I just made a new wish list. Oops. 

Wanting.

Wanting is said to be wrong. Fine.

I want things all the time. I never realized how materialistic I am until ---recently. I used to not want things. Now I just want things. I don't need these things. I just want them, not even to use them really, just to have them. It's nothing specific either. Just things. Things to have is what I want. I don't even like Things. They take up space. I want empty space, not space filled with Things, yet I want these Things.

I think it comes from growing up having very little. Or feeling like I had very little. Perhaps I am born to feel cheated. 

Either way, this wanting is bullshit. I want all these things, but I am not mentally stable enough at the moment to have a job and do anything else. I can't do it right now. So I can't do that whole working for the money for the things I want thing, which would be pretty cool. I understand and respect that concept. See? I'm being cheated again. 

So I'd like a job. I'd like to be mentally stable enough to handle a job. I'd like to have a bank account full of monies to be spent on things. And trips. And more things. And not being here. And pajamas. I like pajamas. Things. Things. Things. Things. Material things. Money DOES make me happy. 

Most of all though, I'd really like to miss the wanting. I have been trying to practice this for seven years, this non-wanting. Epic fail. I studied the Buddha, the Tao, everything I could. I practice as best I can. I read the books. I practice the best I can. I read the books. I practice as best I can. What do I want now? I want to be free of wanting.

Wanting. Wanting. Wanting.