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20 November 2008

Oy vey.

Today turned into a disastrous day, or at least what constitutes a disastrous day in my mind. 

I had to teach my class stuff. I did not prepare myself properly. I was really irritated and grumpy and in a highly sensitized state when I had to teach, so I ended up being somewhat accusatory when I truly did not wish to be. Not to mention half of my class was ignoring me, and I was like "omgz you're so fucking rudealskdjlfaksdjflasdkfslkdfjlsdf." Not good. 

I felt sick all day. 

My boyfriend is, like, not interested in talking to me or doing anything that might make me feel remotely better. Or busy. I don't know. Impossible. 

I ran out of the medicine I need to keep from having a meltdown. Not to mention, part of what is upsetting me is that I cannot sleep. My doctor conveniently ignores this symptom when I see him at our monthly visits. I want some sleep meds. Seriously. I cannot sleep. WHY am I not getting sleep meds? I take two tranquilizers, yet I cannot sleep. I would think that means there is a problem. 

My English teacher will not accept my research paper unless I write an outline and have him approve my sources first. I am not a fucking twelve year old. I promise I can write my paper all by myself. This made me really, really angry, and this contributed to my sub-par teaching today. It just adds all this extra stuff that I have to do that I do not want to do just yet, and it's my fucking paper. I want to write it at my own pace. That's how I make my A's. Damn it! I need my freedom. 

Something about today just put me very against people and against their bullshit and completely uninterested in any kind of politeness or kindness or even effort to avoid offending. I am pretty sure I offended a few people in my class today during my lesson because I was so offended already and so upset and so irritated that I could not censor myself where I really should have. I try so hard to never be that way or feel that way. I just lost it today. 

OK. So fuck that stuff.

My anthropology teacher is a delightful man. Unfortunately he's married. Stupid married men. I just want to give him a hug sometimes. He has such a positive energy around him. He gave me an A on my activity report, and I could just kiss him for it. I needed an A in that class. It was exciting. Anyway, I think I will take classes with him for the rest of my life or until he stops teaching just because I like him so much. 

I found Winnie the Pooh in German on YouTube. I love to watch Winnie the Pooh in German. It is so much more interesting. 

Amanda Palmer grabbed my boob. AMANDA PALMER GRABBED MY BOOB. Just like four days ago, Amanda Palmer had her hand on my waist and her other hand on my boob. AMANDA FUCKING PALMER. HAND. MY BREAST. This is, thus far, the highlight of my life. 

I write fiction incredibly well. I had no idea. I will start doing this more often. 

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