Today, today.

Today is the day of the party for my sister's birthday, which was Thursday. She's so old now!
I also might go to a friend's party tonight, but I am not so sure how I'll feel about that later.

I think I might start taking chlorophyll. I hear it's very good for the body, and since I do not eat a lot of green, leafy vegetables it might do me some good.

Something made my face break out really, really bad. I have been using this method to clear it up, and it works quite well. I have also been using salicylic acid products. This does make my skin feel dry, and it makes it a lot more sensitive to the sun, but this is what I always must do to clear my skin up. Because I get cystic acne, I find that I almost have to poison my skin to repair it. I have been trying to only put the medicated things on the problem areas, though, since my skin has been insanely sensitive of late.

I believe my skin has become more sensitive because I have been using a glycolic acid toner. I was using it every night and never in the mornings, but since my skin has become so sensitive I have switched to using it every other night. I have also been using my pineapple enzyme mask once a week instead of twice to limit my exfoliation and help my skin heal while still keeping it healthy.

The measures I have taken thus far to help my skin have been very effective. I also switched my night moisturizer (because I am pretty sure that's what broke me out) to CeraVe moisturizing cream instead of my Eucerin Sensitive Skin CoQ10 cream. The CeraVe feels much less heavy on my face, absorbs more quickly, and moisturizes just as well (if not better than) as the Eucerin. It's also quite a bit less expensive. I get a 16 oz. tub for fourteen dollars while the Eucerin was about ten dollars for a lot less than 16 ounces. So there!

In other news, Lola has grown to be a gigantic beast! She is still as precious as always, though. I love my precious puppeh!

I have been considerably less social of late than I would like. It seems that when I am in a social mood, others are busy. When others are in a social mood, I am not in a social mood. I am not entirely sure how to handle that. I just hate making myself go out when I don't feel like it. I always end up doing something I wish I hadn't.

I have been trying to watch the movie The Red Shoes for the past two days, and I simply cannot finish it. I have found it quite boring thus far.

I watched 2001: A Space Odyssey for the second time in my life a few weeks ago. It is as mind-numbing and awful as I remember it.

I also watched Poltergeist for the first time since I was a child, and I found it to be quite helpful because I will no longer have nightmares about it. It's not as scary to me now as it was when I was a child.

I watched Salò or 120 Days of Sodom last night. People say it is traumatizing and difficult to watch. It is supposed to be one of the most messed up movies ever made. I will not lie and say it's not really screwed up, but I did not find it especially difficult to watch. I will say I found a few scenes made me quite uncomfortable, and I'm not about to recommend anyone watch it.

I watched Dario Argento's Opera also. I love that movie. I love Dario Argento.

127 Hours

I finally saw this movie the other day, and it is intense. Really intense. I have a soft spot for James Franco because he plays my favorite character in Freaks and Geeks, and I have liked him since the first time I watched that show when I was like 10 or something, so watching him in that role was tough for me. It's supposed to be tough, obviously, as being stuck with one's arm under a rock pretty much blows. It made me feel incredibly sad and inspired and ill. Watching the arm amputation did not bother me nearly as much as watching James Franco drink his own urine. The way those parts were shot (the drinking of any liquid) is what made that part so gross for me.
It is a very beautifully executed film, and I definitely think it is worth watching. I am not sure I believe James Franco deserves an Oscar for that role, but I'm not one of the few voting, so I guess that doesn't matter.

I suppose that's all to say about this one. Danny Boyle made the film in a way that forces people to feel the way they should feel watching a man go through that kind of experience. Mischief managed.

Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows (a review, and I cried)

If you read the book, you know why I cried. It is sad. It's more sad to see it than to read about it. I did not think it would be that way.

Anyway, I found this movie to be most true to the book than the rest (which makes sense as they made this one into two movies instead of one), and I appreciate that a lot. Every scene has that dark, silvery quality to it which adds the necessary sense of danger without scaring people too much. There are obviously things that didn't make it, but the most important things did. (I also hear everything will be on the DVD.)

Without the book, this one stands alone. Without the other movies it wouldn't be as sad, but it still stands alone. So congratulations David Yates. I approve of your work, and as you know, I am very important.

So overall I had a difficult time watching this one because so many things happen, and it all makes me sad. Harry Potter has always made me sad anyway, but seeing people* die just exacerbates that.

I really don't have much to say. Well done, nicely executed. The actors did quite well, as usual. I will say, however, that someone ought to have put Rupert Grint on a diet. He's not supposed to be "fluffy". He's supposed to be gangly and weird. Harry's also a little too muscular. And I would never complain about Emma Watson.

*elves, owls, Mad Eye Moody

Inception: Not A Review

I saw Inception in IMAX, and I don't think it's the type of movie that needs to be reviewed. I liked it, but I did not find anything in it or about it to be mindblowing, mindboggling, or in any other way interesting. It was visually exciting and entertaining. The soundtrack is fab. The cast made me happy, except I wasn't fond of Ellen Page in that type of role, but it was her voice that bothered me. I found the ending predictably annoying, but at the same time, it was probably the best ending possible. Right after seeing the movie, I read a piece on Chud.com about how the movie is a dream, and it's an allegory for filmmaking. I can buy that the entire movie is just a dream, but I will not go so far as to say that it's ultimately about filmmaking. Fuck that.

Why can people not just watch movies, enjoy them, and avoid analyzing them? Why does everything need to have a specific reason for being? I do not understand the human compulsion to apply reason and meaning to everything, especially entertainment. Why can people not just BE? or read and enjoy? or watch and enjoy? or do and enjoy? or talk and enjoy?

Eclipse: Review

Train Wreck.

I saw it in IMAX and normal theaters, and I have to say that in terms of how it looks, it's best to see it in a normal theater. IMAX was just a waste of money for me since the movie consists mostly of close ups of Kristen Stewart's imperfect skin and horrible makeup, Robert Pattinson's stubble, and Taylor Lautner's nipples. The only person whose makeup was done well was Nikki Reed. She looked really gorgeous in the movie, minus the contacts.

As far as sequencing goes, the movie would confuse anyone who didn't read the book. They put a lot of important scenes in the wrong places, so sometimes, it really just didn't make sense. That said, the movie is not a standalone movie. If you have to have read the book to get the movie, it's not a well made movie.

I'm glad that the last two directors (New Moon and Eclipse) decided to make it more cheesy and lame rather than make it super serious all the time because the entire concept is laughable, and that needs to be included. Catherine Hardwicke was the worst person to have direct Twilight because she sucks anyway, and she made everything way too serious.

The screen writer should be black listed. Taylor Lautner can't act, and his voice is annoying, so he really shouldn't be given so many lines, especially ones that are only effective if done correctly, which he can't give us. All of the dialogue was pretty stupid.

Kristen Stewart improved her acting a little bit. I like that in the movie Bella takes more of an independent stance on things rather than yielding to every little whim of Edward's or Jacob's, but at the same time, they included all the guilt tripping she does to herself.

Dakota Fanning just doesn't work for me in these movies. She doesn't deliver her lines the way I think she should, but she's fine in any other movie.

I like that we got a visual of Rosalie's human experience, but they left out the most important part of her story: she wanted babies. That leads directly into Breaking Dawn, so that should have been addressed more clearly.

Overall: TERRIBLY EXECUTED MOVIE.

Public Enemies

Yes. Yes. Yes.   I have been waiting for this movie for ages, and now that I have seen it, something has been fulfilled (duh). Johnny Depp played the perfect John Dillinger, and Christian Bale played the perfect Melvin Purvis by making him like the complete idiot he was. And of course, the beautiful Marion Cotillard played her part as Billie Frechette perfectly, as she always does. She, being quite endearing by her own account, made the character very endearing, and it was heartbreaking to watch her cry at the end. I am very disappointed that the end of the movie did not say that the prostitute who sold Dillinger out in hopes of staying in America instead of being deported back to shitty Romania was later deported anyway, which means she sold out her friend who trusted her for nothing. Tsk tsk. There were a couple of inaccuracies, such as Frechette's arrest, but overall, they are easy to overlook. Everything about the film was very well done. 

Next up: BRUNO! He is a much better character than Borat, so this one promises to be more funny. And I do love me some Sacha Baron Cohen. He is hot when he's not dressed as an Austrian homosexual, and he's damn funny when he is. (and he has the most Jewish name EVER) I think the latter sentence is an example of zeugma, but I can't be sure as I'm not sure I understand the definition of that word just yet. 

9 July the Colour Craft collection is being released by MAC, and I am just hoping that I'm not as impressed with the colors as I think I'll be. That way I won't want to buy anything, and I definitely won't be disappointed when I don't get anything. I love their MSFs. That's really all I like from MAC. MSFs and lip products. I suppose their brighter eye shadows are nice, too. I still really want Chrome Yellow and Sushi Flower. 

Yesterday I bought the best thing of my life: Soap and Glory's Flake Away body polishing scrub. It is amazing. It exfoliates really well without being painful, smells delicious, and leaves skin feeling super soft. It apparently has moisturizers in it as well because after I used it, I didn't feel as if I needed any lotion, though now I am tempted to buy Soap and Glory body butter or something. While out I also picked up Rimmel Sexy Curves mascara to try it since I hear it's good, and I love mascaras. I have not opened it yet because I have a lot of mascaras opened at the moment, and I don't want to have to throw away a bunch of mascara because I couldn't use it all up. 

Lalala.

I painted my nails.

That's Dazzle by Orly. It's pretty true to the color in the bottle. That's also only one coat. Pretty good, I'd say. 

So I'm in a pretty bad mood, as per usual. And appropriately enough, "You Just Can't Smile It Away" by Bill Withers just popped up in my iTunes. It's really not that appropriate, but it sounds like it is. Fun times. 

There is absolutely no relief. I don't want normal feelings anymore. I want no more feelings. It's exhausting. 

I bought new sandals. They're cute. They are red and gold. 

I pretty much want to kill myself just for the fuck of it. I know that's not normal. But looking at it rationally--what else would I do? continue going to school to no end. stay with my parents who resent me for, like, breathing. continue to not get a job? I'm a failure. That's all I have to say. 

Other news, I am kind of a little bit interested in the Colour Craft collection coming out in a few days from MAC. I might need a couple of those MSFs. 

I want to clean my room. I can't do it. Again, I am a failure. 

Miles Davis = brilliant muzac. 

Oh and my boyfriend has decided that today he should be aloof and unavailable, not that I have anything to say. 

I have retinol on my face. I forgot that it dries the skin like it's pure alcohol or something. Oh, and I have really dry skin, fyi. 

I'm tanning again. I am starting to become nauseated by the smell of fake tanners, but I am more nauseated by the idea of skin cancer, so that's OK. I don't have a problem with pale skin though. I have a problem with my skin being like "oh no I can't be one color--I need to be blue and purple, too". I have to cover the death somehow. 

Like O, Like H by Tegan and Sara is such a good song. 

I wish my MacBook was dirt proof. It's a bitch to clean. 

My head hurts. I can't concentrate on books to read them. I can't really sit and watch a movie either. I'm considering going pretend shopping or something. 

Except I can't go pretend shopping because I can't drive because I just took three different kinds of tranquilizers. If I don't feel better in half an hour, I'm going to be mad, for obvious reasons. 

A few reasons to at least live out the month of July: Public Enemies, Harry Potter, some other movies. After that is my birthday, and I'm not interested in knowing how pathetic I'll feel on my birthday, so I'd rather pretend it's not happening (but with presents, assuming I'm not dead). 

How much does this resemble a year ago? I bet it's a lot. 

Fail. Fail. Fail. All fails away!

So there is this SWEET deal at maccosemetics.com right now, and today's the last day. Free shipping, AND 25% off. Now, there aren't many things from MAC that I MUST have, but there is one thing, one little thing. It's a brush. I cannot find a brush like it ANYWHERE, and I need it. It's like 50USD though, and I cannot justify 50USD on a brush that I'm only going to be using on my own face at all. With a 25% discount, it would almost be justifiable, and almost is enough for me. But no, no, I'm not really allowed to spend money right this second, not during the THREE DAY SALE ON THE INTERNET. Thanks, MAC. You have impeccable timing, as always, like with Hello Kitty. And why did I not know that Fresh Brew was a permanent color? If I had known, I would not have bought it with HK. I would have bought one of the other, LE lipsticks instead. FAIL. 

In other news, someone drank all of my grape juice. ALL of my grape juice. Mind you, I drank most of it, but someone else finished MY BOTTLE OF GRAPE JUICE. Grape juice is my life. Grape juice is my second to water. If I had had my grape juice the other day instead of a CamelBak travel with a detached straw that was full of water, I would not have burned the shit out of my tongue with naproxen sodium. No. I would have washed it down, coating and all, with some sweet grape juice. I would not have a caustic burn SCAR on my tongue right now. I wouldn't have an extremely sensitive, painful spot on my tongue right now. My life would be significantly better if the grape juice had been there. 

The next time I buy grape juice, I am stockpiling it, and I will keep it all in my closet (because I definitely have the space), and I will always have grape juice. Forever. This will keep things like chemical burns in my mouth at bay. My life will be better. It's the little things, people. 

Also, this shopping habit has to stop. I hate having all this Stuff. It's ridiculous. I don't like it. 

I do, however, really like my NYX Jumbo Pencil in Black Bean. It is the smoothest one, and it worked amazingly for my Amanda Palmer makeup the other day. It made the perfect blood-red for my eyeshadow that I needed, and then I could use brown without looking like an idiot. It was fantastic, and my makeup was fantastic, and if I ever get the photos back I will make a slideshow, and I will submit it, and I will hope that I win because I really like winning, especially when the winning is talent based, and I've been feeling awfully low on my talent lately. 

I cannot decide if I like my Chanel better or if I like Juicy Couture better, the scents. I could sit and sniff them all day to decide, but I'd get a migraine, and since my brain is quite sensitive and migraine happy since I take awesome drugs that like to cause migraines, I'm not really in the mood to do that. 

I just spend three hours on blogtv. I love blogtv. It allows me to vicariously watch Intervention and laugh hysterically at incredibly awesome human beings. It somehow manages to give me a sense of hope in humanity or something. 

Now I feel like I need to watch and/or quote Clueless. 

Another thing, when my boyfriend is busy, and I call him, I expect him to do the respectful thing and ignore my call, like hit the ignore button. He never does. He either lets it ring until it goes to voicemail, or he answers and says he's busy. Both of which I hate. So I called him earlier to tell him something really exciting (and now I've forgotten what it was), but it was actually relevant to him, and I needed to tell him in real time, not through voicemail, and HE IGNORED MY PHONE CALL. Why? Just why. I mean seriously. THE ONE TIME. WHY?! 

I am so excited about Public Enemies it's not even funny. I am very confused about what role Marion Cotillard is actually playing, and I'm too lazy to IMDB that shit, so I'll stay confused until I see the movie THE DAY IT COMES TO THEATERS. I'm sure I've never discussed my interest in criminals, particularly bank robbers and serial killers. Now, John Dillinger was not a serial killer (or was he? hmmm ponder ponder), but he did rob banks, and I am fascinated by this bank robbing. So I am excited about this movie, and I need to see it, and besides that Johnny Depp makes a hot John Dillinger. And Marion Cotillard is just cute. How can you not want to pet her? or make friends with her? or just stare at her adorable little Frenchie face? I haven't been this excited about a movie since, like, that movie that was a huge letdown. You know the one. Watchmen. Huge disappointment. Huge. Epic. FAIL. 

I am also particularly excited about Harry Potter. It just looks really good. And I fucking love Harry Potter. 

Also, New Moon, just because Kristen Stewart looks totally hot in it, and that's a good enough reason for me. I believe I mentioned how much I hated that book, and I will probably suffer watching the movie, too, but it'll be worth it to see Kristen Stewart doing what she does best---being hot while being incredibly petulant and ungrateful and annoying and stupid and reckless and completely fucking pathetic. Hot is all that counts when it comes to these kinds of things. What else could anyone bring to Twilight? The raw material is shit. Also, Dakota Fanning plays one of the really mean, scary characters, and that has to be hilarious. HILARIOUS. I can just see it now. Hilarity will ensue. 

My car is hot. It needs air conditioning. I have to make all of my doctor appointments and such in the morning to avoid dying on the way. Therapy is only available in late afternoons though. Ugh. FAIL. 

I am pretty tired. 

I want to be asleep right now.

Seriously. 

My mind cannot focus long enough for me to finish my brilliant thoughts. I started to write something about my philosophies on certain things, and I lost my train of thought within three sentences. This problem is not new, though. The only time I am able to write a lengthy piece on anything is when it is for school, and it has a due date, and I am given some kind of direction. 

I am very seriously considering making a documentary. I really want to, but I don't currently have the proper equipment. Luckily, I am capable of getting my hands on the proper equipment if need be. I must put together a plan, and I will see how I feel about it. I feel very bouncy and creative lately. 

I plan to do some shopping today, as usual. I hope my medication will help with this. I don't want to feel like I need this, letting it control my emotions. I don't like it. Really. 

I am supposed to see my cousin and the baby on Sunday (or Monday), but I seem to have caught the nasty cold my parents have, and there is no way in hell I'm going to give this shit to a newborn. Besides, I'll probably be in hospital by then. I am terrified of this cold. I am terrified of getting really sick. I am just terrified. 

So my boyfriend had a pretty good opportunity to visit me at a decent hour, like when I'm not supposed to be sleeping, and he opted not to do so. I cannot accurately describe the way this makes me feel, but really---I tire of these things very quickly. He does not seem to understand the way I operate, and though my medications have certainly mellowed the sharper edges of my personality, I am still capable of being just as aloof as ever and forgetting and letting go and not being concerned about it. I don't believe he understands how I've handled all previous relationships, romantic or otherwise. I suppose he has been conditioned to believe I am needy enough to sit around waiting. I'm not. 

^^ That doesn't mean anything significant. 

I will return to my sleep attempts now.