Forsooth.

I swear I'm not listening to Fall Out Boy. 

So—my mother consistently says she believes my therapist is useless. I tried to tell her that my therapist does quite a lot more for me than the psychiatrist, since all the doctor does is dole out medication and potentially harmful side-effects. My therapist tries to help me think about my problems, take responsibility for the things of which I am able, and be honest with myself. And she's done a good job. I'm better at understanding that I have a certain level of say-so in how I feel today or tomorrow or how I felt yesterday, and I have a say-so in how I deal with it, even if I have to fight with my head a little. I also understand that I cannot hide behind anxiety, which is a really easy thing to do. It's incredibly easy to run away from things when you have mental illness on your side, or in your head. "I can't deal with that because it makes me anxious." The more I say that, the more anxious I get, and the fewer things I am able to do. I still have to acknowledge the anxiety, but I should not hide behind it. That's not a happy existence at all. Anyway--she helps me with that stuff. That's more important than handing me some Xanax and telling me to do with it whatever I want (which is basically what the doctor does, very strange, these psychiatrists). 

I have definitely seen an increase in headaches since I started the new medication, but I have also seen an increase in pollen and stress and allergies going nuts. That's another thing my therapist helps me sort. Is this psychosomatic? Is this a real side-effect? Am I paranoid? I appraise things now. It's much safer that way. 

Today my mother took me shopping with her, and then she didn't buy anything for herself even though I totally kept trying to drag her to things she'd want to buy. I was done shopping for myself within fifteen minutes and tried things on and sorted through them and only bought five things. My mother proceeded to shop for my sister for about two hours. And she bought herself a pair of socks. Then we came home, and she complained that she didn't get anything for herself. She does that a lot. I think she needs it. Anyway, I got two pairs of super cute shorts and three shirts. Two of the shirts are t-shirts like the one in my post below with my beautiful nail polish. I absolutely love that particular t-shirt, so I bought a white one and a periwinkle one. I was going to get a turquoise-y one, but I decided to just leave it at three of the same shirt. I can go crazy buying the same shirt in millions of colors because I'm weird like that. This particular shirt happens to fit me really well and stuff, though. So hmph. And it's really soft. It's not cheaply made. I love it. And it gave me more purple in my closet. And who doesn't need a white t-shirt? I love it. Anyway, the last shirt I got is a really pretty, royal blue. I have been trying to add a larger variety of colors to my wardrobe lately. All I seem to have is lots of gray, black, and yellow. The two pairs of shorts I got are gray though. One has stripes with cute, white buttons on it, and the other pair is like..idk. They're cute, and they looked cute on me. They're a size 1. I haven't worn a size 1 since I was 13. Forsooth. That was fun to type. 

I love Savage Garden. And I am not ashamed. My iTunes just blessed me with TWO Savage Garden songs in a row on shuffle. Thank you, iTunes. I wonder why no one discusses them anymore. They're totally pop awesomeness. Seriously. 

I am very upset with this Seche Vite topcoat. I had it on my nails for three days, and the shit chipped. Actually, it peeled. I have this problem when I wash my hair of strands of hair sliding beneath my nail polish and peeling it off. I suppose the polish was too thick. At least, that's what I'm telling myself because I spend a lot of time and money making my nails look pretty (and trust me, it's my least favorite thing to do in terms of maintenance). Only one nail chipped. I will fix it, and I will leave the color on my nails. I'm not interested in redoing all of them right now, not with all these headaches. 

I am also really upset that I cannot find the fucking dry shampoo that I want at my Sally's. Why does my Sally's not have it? WHY?! Hmph. I am going to have to find one and buy it because it seems stupid to order it online when I'm sure there is another store nearby, or close enough that it's worth the trip. 

I want bath stuff. I have this urge to take a bubble bath, but I want a very specific sort of bubble bath. Someone buy me bubbles! I generally hate baths, except salt baths. I love salt baths. I should take a salt bath. My skin would be so happy. 

Everyone should take salt baths. 

I have become the bum friend who says "I'll totally send the fork in two weeks..." and then doesn't send the fork. I MUST SEND THAT FORK. I seem to have lost it again. As soon as the semester is over  (one class period! and then a week of finals! eep!), I am cleaning this fucking room. I need summer projects, and this room is a fucking mess. Today I found an old bra that a cat had peed on. I have no idea when this happened, but I have officially banned those beasts from my bedroom. Not only do they make me sick, but apparently they've been doing some unauthorized micturition, and that is unacceptable. Unacceptable. 

So---everything is going to be cleaned, and I'm going to vacuum, and I am going to clean my carpet. I used to do those things weekly, but then I got --sicker and anxious-er and busier (shocking) and just lost my drive. My room used to be pristine. I miss those days. They shall soon return with a vengeance. And while I'm at it, I need to repaint one of my walls. I'm not sure if I still have the paint though. I'll have to ask my dad. Or maybe I can paint it a different color. Pink? Oooh turquoise! That would be pretty, considering that was the original color scheme. And that matches my bed set, if I ever decide to use it. I also need something else on my window. I hate blinds of any sort. I really need super thick drapes that keep out the hot and cold temperatures and the evil light, since I hate all of those things, and I can move them in the mornings (or whenever) when I do my makeup, since that's the only reason I need a window. 

One thing I have always really liked about this fucking house that I hate is that the yard is fantastic and never gets hot. It gets a bit swampy-feeling and mosquito-y, but mosquitoes don't like me, so that's not an issue. It's always really cool in my yard, so it's not too bad to go outside and sit in the summer time because there are so many trees keeping the air nice and cool and oxidized. <-- That's not really the right word to use, but it was fun. Oxygenated. Oxygenated is the correct word, but oxidized is so much more fun. I miss chemistry! And I still want the giant poster of the periodic table of elements to put on my wall. I have to rearrange the furniture in here, too. The bed needs to be on the other side of the room. The chi in here is not good. Yes, I just said CHI. I sound like a bi-polar right now. Awesome. 

I guess I'll go to sleep now. Again. I have been sleeping way too much lately. Way too much.

I just realized that tomorrow I have to run to the library and get that book I need to read for my psychology class because the report is due on Monday. Fuck my weekend. I have too much to do, but I shall focus, and I will get it done (because it's really not that much). I have to do a bit of research on a couple of writers, some historical background, and I have to e-mail my partner, type out the annotated bibliography, plan my speech --sort of, and read that book and write about it. DONE. Two days. Well, two and a half days for the English stuff. I will get it done. 

I really want Vanilla and Mutiny pigments from MAC. Mutiny is limited edition and currently being re-promoted. I need it. I need it. I need it. It's so gorgeous. 

Tanning! and shopping with other people's money.

So I believe I mentioned that I purchased Jergens Natural Glow moisturizer? It's amazing! I have a tan! and no skin cancer! The only bad thing is that I forget to wash my hands sometimes, and I have orangey ickyness between my fingers on my right hand! :o( I'm considering that perhaps I should buy the mousse form instead of the lotion. I hear it's less streaky since it dries faster. The lotion isn't streaky, but it's more difficult to get an even coat of lotion. I have a swirl of tan/not tan on my shoulder because I'm stupid and can't rub lotion in on that spot, apparently. It's OK since I rarely show any skin. And my skin isn't sickeningly pale! I'm also using it on my face, which means I need to buy at least one foundation that is a shade darker as my skin is now darker. I've just been using my amazing Everyday Minerals foundation samples since I bought a couple that are a little darker. I LOOOVE them. Anyway...I'm colored! yay. 

I painted my nails with Solar Power from China Glaze, and I must say that I am a tad disappointed. All nail polish is buy two get one free at Sally's, so I bought some, of course, and I've discovered that despite my large collection of China Glaze polishes, I'm not a huge fan of them at all. They're of a much lower quality than OPI, even though they're supposed to be equal. Although OPI is more expensive. And the Gargantuan Green Grape from OPI that I bought is also a disappointment. Anyway--Solar Power is a bright yellow, sort of marigold, with very slight shimmer. In the bottle it looks really pretty and really shimmery and less obnoxious than it does on my fingers. It's also one of those colors that has to be applied perfectly otherwise your nails look like crap. My nails look like crap, but I'm not redoing them. I have to attend a baby shower tomorrow, and I need to sleep, etc. etc. I still like the color, of course. I haven't even used most of my new nail polishes. That is rather sad. I really like the neon purple one though. I think it's called Purple Dragon. It's really pretty. 

Orly lies. Their Won't Chip does not keep nails from chipping for two weeks. It lasts one week at best, but that could be my water. I know the water in my shower is not as..soft, I guess..as it needs to be. 

Yesterday I bought a a few new storage items. I bought another little drawer thing for my makeup since the collection is always growing, and I bought a basket thing and a larger, clear container for my hair products. I'm not sure where I'll put these storage things, but I needed them. They all match, too! That's happy. 

Pierre went to the doctor yesterday as well. He weighs three pounds and thirteen ounces. The doctor says he's doing really well, exceptionally well, actually. Apparently dogs aren't supposed to know how to walk on a leash at twelve weeks. Or jump the way he does. Or do anything as accelerated as he does. I have a smart puppy! Yay! And we bought him those pads for the floor, and he uses them! good puppers. We also discussed different methods of making him stop biting. He's a little snapper! Also, he is super friendly and excitable. He wanted to see everyone in the office. We saw an old Russian man (RUSSIAN!!!) in the waiting room, and Pierre ran up to him and started begging for pets and stuff. I apologized to the man, of course, but he really didn't seem to mind. And he kept trying to kiss the doctor. And well--he just loves everyone. He had to get shots and stuff. 

Speaking of dogs---on the way home from buying foods I saw an injured doggy! It looked very familiar. I tried to get the doggy to come to me, so I could look at its leg (since that's what was injured), but of course it was skittish and refused. The poor thing. I hope someone catches it and helps it. I could swear I've seen that dog before though. Poor puppers.

Love dove also gave me a shelf for my printer and stuff. So I have like two feet of extra floor space now! Yay.

I washed my car the other day, right before it rained. I'm quite smart that way. I didn't know it was going to rain! And I was in one of those moods. I absolutely had to clean the car right then, inside and out. I feel much better in the car now. It needed to be vacuumed and such. 

Oh, when I was at Sally's I also bought this foot stuff called Heel to Toe. I really like it, and it makes my feet feel soft. My feet are already soft, but I figure it can't hurt to make them softer. I should go back and buy a larger jar of it. I got the mini one to test it.  

I also had to buy a different kind of sunscreen than I normally buy because Target decided they weren't going to stock my usual in SPF 45, only SPF 15, which is unacceptable. I had to buy something else from the same company in SPF 70 or something, which is just stupid. No one needs SPF 70, unless they live in a glass house. 

I've been on a Harry Potter kick lately. I've been all "Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter!!!" I've watched all four of the movies I own like ten times the past two days. 

I took a test in psychology. I know I did not fail it. That's good. I feel like I'm doing better. 

My family is not very familial. At all. I would call them saboteurs, at best. My siblings now make fun of me for being on psychiatric medications. That's pretty awesome, except not. 

Distracted!

Quick Review - That BioInfusion shampoo and conditioner duo SUCKS. It didn't clean my hair, and there is so much peppermint oil in it that it burned my eyes as soon as I opened the bottle. I do not know what I will do with it, but at least they are sample bottles. 

For some reason when I went to Sally's to buy dry shampoo (which they didn't have) I ended up buying Beyond the Zone Split Mender despite the fact that I already have a product for that, AND three nail polishes that I definitely didn't need. They are pretty though. They are from China Glaze's summer collection: Grape Juice (which is on my nails now), Orange Marmalade, and Watermelon Rind, which is the prettiest of all but not as summery to me. I don't think "summer" when I see dark, glittery green. I think autumn. I am still waiting on my other nail polishes to arrive (including the Good basecoat and the Good topcoat. Those two things are what I really want. I am giving the company until Wednesday to notify me of shipping, or I'm canceling the order. That's $25 I can put to better use. Also, the company promises to ship within 24 hours. Yeah. Didn't happen. I'm not happy. 

I have figured out part of D's birthday present, finally. I get totally freaked out every time his birthday comes, not only because the first one with him sucked, but because I have to buy him the perfect thing! And he is very nonspecific. He does not understand that he has to give me a direction for gifts. 

Amidst all of this I have to say that the Twilight soundtrack is really good (who would have thought?), and there is a song by Linkin Park on it that is actually not that bad. I give it three stars. It's a perfect funeral song, except a little too poppy. I've already told my parents that I want a funerary violinist playing Babcotte's Dirge at my funeral, and that's what I'd better get, damn it. Yes, I have planned my funeral. Yes, I am very strange. (but what else would one expect from a person who attempts suicide and is constantly thinking of new and better and more practical ways of doing so?) 

I am also supposed to be studying for my biology test. Wow. I'm not even taking biology this semester (even though it's my major and all). Psychology. Psychology test. Instead, I am typing this blog while I update my iTunes. Yippy Skippy. I am sure to fail it anyway since I missed two weeks of class due to debilitating depression. You know how it goes; or do you? 

Also, I bought the Everyday Minerals sample kit (it's free, you only pay shipping which is $3.), and I really love the stuff I got, particularly the blush. I might order the starter kit or just the blush by itself because I like it so much. It complements my skin tone perfectly.