Memories of My Melancholy Whores

I have difficulty using words to describe anything Gabriel García Márquez has written, so I will review this with one word and hope all readers can take my word for it: BEAUTIFUL.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

I finally finished reading this book. It took me a rather long time because Pride and Prejudice by itself frustrates me (or, rather, Elizabeth's behavior frustrates me, so I found myself constantly frustrated until one hundred pages within finishing it. Anyway, I like the added zombies, and I enjoy that Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy can kill zombies together. Very cute addition. To say anything else would be to simply review Pride and Prejudice, and I neither need to do that, nor do I want to do that. Suffice to say I like it better with zombies!

A quick little update.

I am slotted to work this weekend as an extra in a movie being filmed here, so I will have a little bit of money coming in. Other than that, I am trying to find a more steady job as I am taking a break from school this semester (like I need it---I am so far behind! ugh).

I mixed my own nail polish yesterday. It was my first time ever doing it, and it actually came out pretty well. It reminds me a lot of Color Club Revvvolution, except it is a bit lighter and no holographic-ness to it. It is very pretty nonetheless, and there is a lot of glitter. I used about four different glitter nail polishes in it, two grays, a clear basecoat (to thin it out), some quick dry drops (to thin it out), remnants of Seche Vite topcoat (that's the bottle in which I mixed it), some random Wet 'n' Wild glitter I had lying around, a gold pigment from NYX, a silver pigment from NYX, and a white iridescent pigment from a Hello Kitty stack I bought years ago from Target. The pigments ended up swirling around in the polish, so each application should be a unique experience. That excites me.

I have been doing a lot of e-bay shopping lately. I have spent a total of eighty six dollars or so on e-bay. I bought a gorgeous bra from my favorite bra company (Chantelle) for less than half the retail price (and it is unworn, perfect condition, pretty and lacy, which is not something I can usually wear as I have giant boobs), two nail polishes, some Invader Zim nail decals --not totally sure why I bought those, a Swarovski crystal encrusted snake ring, a cute peridot ring as that is my birthstone, and I have always wanted one!, a lot of five Hamsa pendants, a gold elephant bracelet and maybe something I am forgetting? I do not know.

I also bought a few nail polishes at Walgreens the other day. I bought a Wet 'n' Wild one in Club Havana, which is a nice, neon coral. Two colors from Sinful Colors as I find those nail polishes are fabulous quality, especially for such a cheap price tag. I went to CVS to see if I could find Milani's Dressmaker, which is an exact dupe of Chanel's Jade (which sells now for 400 - 500 USD) and is just a really pretty color, but I could not find it. I shall check other CVS stores. If I am unable to find it, I will try to swap for it or live without it. It is not that important to me, and I am not willing to pay the ridiculous prices people will set for it on e-bay. It is a five fucking dollar nail polish, so I do not think you are justified in setting the base price at fifteen, assholes. I do not care how highly coveted/hard to find the polish is: don't be a dick.

I set up a swap with a girl on MUA, and she has no idea that I am sending her a ridiculous amount of extras. I was already sending her three nail polishes (OPI Got A Date To-Knight, China Glaze Watermelon Rind, and Seche Clear base coat), but I sent her my Poshe top coat because I did not like it even though it is similar to Seche Vite minus all the gross chemicals, and I figured she'd need a thick top coat for Watermelon Rind as it is glittery and thick, which means it'll be chunky feeling without a good, thick top coat. I hope that one works for her. I also sent her a Sally Girl polish in white to use under Got A Date To-Knight because it is a super sheer color that must to be applied over a white base otherwise you'll be applying like five coats to get it opaque. I also sent an OPI mini in You're A Pisa Work. She is only sending me one nail polish and a facial cleanser! I do not know if she will include extras. We shall see. I should receive her package on Wednesday.
I also set up a swap for my black and white striped tunnels that I cannot get into my ears and China Glaze Orange Marmalade (another glittery one; I just don't like glitters that much), but I do not remember offhand what she is sending me. I keep these things recorded, though. I do not think I sent her any extras though. OH! know what she sent me! I already got her package! OPI Chocolate Shake-speare and a Jordana liner in a green sparkly color. And a weird smelling, cheap lip balm. It is a very moisturizing lip balm though. I think I will give it to my sister. Her lips get really dry, and I have tons of lip balms already. I wanted to send her a lip balm tin or two, but I could not find them when I was packing up her package! It shall be sent out today.

Yesterday while I was out with Brother Bear (who left last night, :o(((( I will miss him so much), we found this delightful little antique store behind a DUI school and another antique store, and I was so excited! I found a bunch of really awesome stuff, like a Winnie the Pooh nutcracker, an antique toaster, a bunch of adorable elephant figurines, really nice unicorn figurines, an old-fashioned baby doll stroller, a Swiss musical stein, some adorable necklaces and clutches, a few rooster things for my mom, some owl stuff, adorable furniture, beautiful tableware, a tabletop lighter (I love those!), and lots and lots of other neat things.

I read Middlesex by Jeffree Eugenides, which I hate. I found it to be similar to The Kite Runner in that I believe the author was merely capitalizing on the struggle of intersex individuals at the time of writing and exploiting an important issue just to make money and get on the bestseller list. Oh, and Oprah. Not to mention it is a book that reaches a pretty large audience because it is fiction, and people are afraid to read true stories about things they do not understand --like intersex issues--, and I fear that people will call intersex hermaphrodite, which is incorrect, and they will also just assume that all intersex people are inbred, as the character in the book is closely inbred. Eugenides also wasted a lot of words talking about Greece, explaining the past and did not put much focus on the character's struggle with his sex. It also seems very over-written, like there was too much effort into every single word in the book, and while I know writing should take some effort (it does for most people), I do not want to see your effort. Like dancing, I believe a word of literature should seem as if it was written effortlessly. Not a fan of that book at all. I am not sure if I have already discussed this. I hope I am not repeating myself.

I am going to miss my brother so much while he is away. Obviously I grew up with him, but he was gone at school for three years, and I have had him back at home for a year and a half now, and he is leaving again for school far away. I love my brother! I am so accustomed to having him here now, so I was sad to see him leave. I will have to gather the gas money to go visit him as he will not be coming back home much since his bed is no longer here, and he has to sleep in my room when he visits, which neither of us really likes. He has been having an awfully bad week, too, and I wish I could have cheered him up while he was here. He feels a bit better now though. :o( I miss him!

I suppose there is nothing else new to report, and I shy away from intelligent blog posts. Why would I waste my energy on a silly little blog?

Some thing I've bought recently/bored at night

China Glaze "Breakin'": not new, but I don't have any photos of it so far. I really like it.

I can't tell which picture is which now, so bear with me.

Swatches are as follows: NYX Lipliner Pencil in 840 "Rose", Rimmel Lasting Finish Lipstick in 900 "Pink Blush", Rimmel Lasting Finish Lipstick in 082 "Heavenly", and Rimmel Moisture Renew Lipstick in 940 "Berry Queen".

The others: Too Faced Eye Shadow in "Label Whore", NYX Runway Collection e/s palette in "Jazz Night", CeraVe Hydrating Cleanser, Cetaphil Antibacterial Gentle Cleansing Bar for Dry, Sensitive Skin, L'Oréal Paris Studio Secrets Professional Magic Perfecting Base, the lipliner, the lipsticks.

So far I absolutely LOVE Label Whore. It's gorgeous. It's very similar to MAC's "Club" eye shadow, but I like Too Faced better. I prefer the Rimmel Moisture Renew lipsticks to the Lasting Finish, though they are not especially moisturizing. I find both formulas to be drying. I was looking for the "Pink Chic" Moisture Renew l/s, but the only two left were damaged, so I found a similar color in the Lasting Finish line ("Pink Blush"), and I really like it. The L'Oréal primer is pretty good albeit extremely thick. It works, but I would not repurchase as it's only half an ounce for 14 USD or so, and the container is insanely small and impractical. I love "Heavenly" lipstick. Well, I love all of the lipsticks I bought. I haven't used the NYX palette at all yet, but I've swatched all the colors, and they're all gorgeous. They seem to be nicer than the single NYX eyeshadows, so that's a plus. The CeraVe cleanser is amazing, and I love it. A lot of people on MUA said that it clogged their pores, but I have not experienced that problem at all. The Cetaphil bar is really nice and cleans my face, and what else can I say about a bar of soap? It lacks sulfates, which is good for my dry skin. I love NYX lipliners, so that's all I need to say about that, except maybe the color is really pretty? It is. I am really into pink lipsticks at the moment, and I lack lighter pinks. I only have things like "Show Orchid" and stuff. I guess that's all I can say on that subject.

In other news, my friend did something stupid, and someone else is blaming me for it. It's not my fault at all. I can't really talk about it, and to be honest, I know said friend is in a good place, so I don't need to worry about it.

My school fucked me over yet again, so I'm finding a new one. It's going to be pretty difficult with my GPA being such crap, but I can find Something.

I haven't really been reading any books lately, too preoccupied with other things. I did, however, read Hiroshima by John Hersey for school, and I wrote a review on it for that class, but I won't post it here as it wasn't very good anyway. The only thing I want to say is that the book is Really good if you want to understand what happens when people experience total destruction. My teacher made it seem like it would be a book that would make all of us cringe and cry and have all other sorts of weird reactions, but I guess he has a weak heart. I only cringed when a man described trying to pull a woman up by her hands and having the skin of her hands "peel off like gloves" as that was pretty graphic and disgusting. Yes, it's sad, but I've read much worse, shockingly enough. My teacher apparently does not read the same types of non-fiction I do.

I hate the weather here.

It's Kind of A Funny Story by Ned Vizzini

Book numero uno of the year was It's Kind of A Funny Story. I am not especially impressed. It's a subject matter to which I can relate pretty well, but I found the majority of the story and writing a bit tedious. I don't really know what about the story was kind of funny, either. The writing is really simple and juvenile, but that caters to the intended audience and has nothing to do with me at all. Perhaps if I had read this when I was younger, I would have liked it better. It was unfortunately published after my childhood. Anyway, juvenile and tedious makes a bad combination. I will, however, say that I wanted to finish the book. This is not a book that I could leave for days and days. I finished it in less than a day, all hours spent reading totaled. I had to finish it, so it has that readable quality going for it. Because the language is simple and the story is also pretty simple, I would not have expected to have any problems concentrating on this book, and I didn't. (Concentration is difficult for me.)

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

I just finished reading The Road. It is good. I liked it. I don't think there is anything I can say about it that would be of any interest to anyone, book nerd or otherwise. I'd suggest reading it. It literally made me feel cold. I wore a coat while reading it.

The end.

Books

Books I Am Currently Reading:

Johnny Panic and the Bible of Dreams - Sylvia Plath, short stories and essays, very good so far.

Amnesia Moon - Jonathan Lethem, brilliant, of course.

A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole, been reading this for quite a while. Very good.

The Yiddish Policemen's Union - Michael Chabon. Need I say anything.

The Little Prince - Antione de Saint-Exupéry. Absofuckinglutely brilliant and gorgeous. love it.

Tao Teh Ching - Lao Tzu. I read this on a daily basis. I find it comforting when I feel icky. I pick it up and browse through quite often.

I also do the same with Life of Pi.

Sick--still? oh, yes.

As I've been purchasing more makeup items, I've been clearing lots out through MUA. I have already sent out two nail polishes of which I'm not particularly fond. I have lots of other items up for swap as well. That's all.

Last week I developed an icky cold, but over the weekend it seemed to have retreated. False. Monday morning, in the middle of English, I became violently ill. I waited through class, and when I was finished I scurried to the caf to get a brownie. Perhaps a brownie would help. No. The brownies at my school happen to be delicious, but the brownie did nothing for me except provide a few extra calories to burn. I drove home. I really wanted to go to my history class to see my grade on my test, but I felt very close to collapse. I took cold medicine and collapsed. I can't take a lot of any type of medicine to alleviate my sore throat, stuffy nose, aches, etc., so I'm particularly miserable. It still hasn't gone away, so I'll be missing classes again this morning. I hate it. I fucking hate missing classes. It's too early in the semester to have missed as many as I already have. :o/

So over the past two days I've been laying in my bed absolutely miserable, reading books and attempting noms when made available. I re-read New Moon, since the movie is soon, and I didn't give it a review before. I also read some of my philosophy stuff. Descartes. I even did the homework assignment we had, though I won't be able to turn it in since I'm sick. I'll have to e-mail my HOT teacher to get the homework for today. I better be well by Friday, since I absolutely must be in class. ugh.

I am going back to bed.

Tests. MEEP.

I had a two question essay test in history today. I knew the answers, but I was having a lot of difficulty articulating them. :o/ My brain has been a bit scrambled this week (as I've been sick in an odd way), and I know the grade on the test won't be what I want. I also believe it is an extremely bad sample of my writing. My teacher will think I'm an idiot! but I think I answered the questions, which is the point.

D made me listen to new music in the car yesterday, and it was amazing.

He also bought me more books. I definitely needed them all. He bought lots of books for himself as well.

Philosophy is going well. I still need to go see an adviser and get all my stuff straightened out, but things keep distracting me and making me forget, like today I was stressing about my test. Maybe I'll go early tomorrow morning. I probably won't. I'll be there on Friday! Today my English teacher was using more references that I don't understand. I didn't do the reading, so I failed the reading quiz. :o(

I have lots of goodies coming in the mail. Yay.

I probably won't make a video, so here.

My August Favorites!

- Venus Vita-C Anti-Wrinkle Moisturizing Cream

- A Confederacy of Dunces

- NYX Jumbo Eye Pencil in Yellow

- MAC e/s in Vibrant Grape and Bright Sunshine

- witch hazel

- NYX e/s in Alantic and Luxor

- NYX l/s in Medusa

- Zoya nail polish in Pippa

- Orly nail polish in Charged Up

- Orly Bonder

- OPI Top Coat

- Smarties Lollipops

- Xanax

Done.

A Few Things

I want to live in the merry old land of England because they get free things with magazines, like makeup items and clothes. Not fair.

I have a lot of books to read. I'll list them below.

A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole. I borrowed this from the love, and I am determined to have this finished this week. I find it very enjoyable, and it's also one of those books that a lot of people always say one must read in his or her lifetime. I'm reading it! And I love it so far. It is a win.

The Dharma Bums - Jack Kerouac. This I also borrowed, and I shall read it when I get to it.

The Jungle - Upton Sinclair. I've started reading this, and I like it so far. I just need to sit and read. It's difficult for me to sit and read.

Modoc - Ralph Helfer. I mentioned this one already. I have read a lot more of it since last discussed, and I like it. Again, it's just really difficult for me to sit and read.

Musicophilia - Oliver Sacks. This book and topic interest me very much, and I am very excited to get to it. I feel that it will be helpful to me.

Roman - Roman Polanski. He's my favorite director, and I'm very interested in his experiences during the Holocaust. He briefly touches upon them in the commentary in The Pianist, but I really want to read the whole story, then some. He's a character, and I like characters. This book was a gift.

The Royal Nonesuch - Glasgow Phillips. I just find it interesting.

Special Topics in Calamity Physics - Marisha Pessl. I've wanted to read this book for over two years. It is now in my possession, and it will be read. Again, I just have to sit and read.

Your Inner Fish - Neil Shubin. This book is about evolutionary biology/evolutionary anthropology, so why would I not want to read it? It directly pertains to my main area of interest, so of course, I need to read it. I can't begin to explain how pumped I am to start reading it and absorb all the information held within it, but suffice it to say ----my heart is racing. I love evolution. I love that branch of anthropology. This is mine! Sit and read.

I am hoping that once school starts I'll be able to sit at school and just read some of my books between working on school work. I purposely set up my schedule to allow myself time to sit around campus studying or reading or any other productive thing.

I stopped taking one of my medications because it made me feel physically unwell, but my therapist has an issue with that. My psychiatrist ignored me and refused to discuss it, so there is a fail there. I am still in my window of titration that I could resume the drug without any scary side effects (like the death rash)if I wanted. I don't think I want. I have to call my psychiatrist and tell him that I'm not taking it because I don't like it. Oy. Meds.

My birthday was ultimately a success. I got a lot of Smarties Lollies out of it. I also got a lot of salt water taffy. I had some alcohol, not enough. I was not drunk. I was slightly tipsy. I'll get good and drunk one of these days just because I can, except I don't like drunk. Oh well.

The color blue is calling to me.

Hard Boiled Wonderland And The End of The World

I finished it. The last few pages are really exciting, like you're going to turn the last page and have a One Hundred Years of Solitude moment. I didn't. I wanted the book to end the way it felt like it was going to end, not the twisted way it ended. I found that boring, and it left the book feeling unfinished in a really bad way. I am not impressed. This one will go at the bottom of my H. Murakami stack. 

I am trying to get my room clean (still), and I'm failing (still). I think I've figured out how I want to rearrange the furniture once I finish though. 

I am still dreading the birthday though I kind of want to get presents and go shopping. 

Also, I have to register for classes after 9 July. I have no idea what I will take. I'll just pick stuff. I'm kind of excited to go back to school, to do something. 

Well, since my medicine is going to kill me.

I was out, and I came home, and my lungs hurt, and my throat hurts, and I feel really, really awful. I have used my inhaler like ten times, and well, that's not good. I guess I will call my doctor on Monday and get some stupid fucking "diagnosis" from my doctor. I am sure it will just be spring allergies aggravating my asthma. The usual. 

I really like the Voile slimshine from MAC. Thanks, love dove! It looks really good on my lips. 

I do NOT understand how people make videos for YouTube where they just talk. I am possibly entering a contest, and I could either do a live video or a photo montage, and I tried to do a video, but I felt really stupid talking to my computer, so I stopped. I can't do it. Photo montage it will be! I made my brother take pictures of my makeup for me since I apparently have Parkinson's. It actually came out really well, considering that I put like 10 minutes into it. It looked exactly as I meant it to look, which is rarely the case with me and my makeup. Unfortunately, it wasn't necessarily pretty because I meant for it to be slightly garish, and that's how it looked. Yay me! And I got waterproof lash glue in my eye. That was awful. 

I have set up another swap on MUA, but I forgot that I can't mail out my stuff until later this week. The person with whom I have arranged the swap is in Canada (boo higher shipping cost), and I am sending a liquid (which BLOWS) and some extra stuff, but she's so nice. She's like "so what else would you like me to send you?" as it is customary on MUA to send extras when swapping. Any extra makeup I have, I've either used (but not often) or give away or thrown away or something stupid, so I'm like "what extras can I send?!" I found some random lip gloss samples that I have (unused, obviously), and a moisturizer sample, and stuff along with the actual swap item. The shipping cost should be lower than the the total price of all the stuff I am sending. Since she lives in Canada, I know she cannot easily obtain the items I am sending, which pleases me. I cannot decide if I should send a lotion sample as well, in the same scent of the spray I am sending. Bath products are the only things I have that I don't use. So...

So about this illness type thing, I am a bit concerned. (Yoda ftw) I was visiting my cousin and her mini earlier, so I'm hoping that I am not incubating an infectious disease as I'd feel like an asshole if I made a baby sick. The small one got the hiccups while I was holding her. I forgot how nervous babies make me. Newborns scare the shit out of me because they feel so fragile, of course. She is awfully cute though. At least she's not one of those funny looking babies. Because it's all about outward appearances, obviously. 

I am trying to finish THE BOOK this week. It will not happen. I am a failure. 

I have no idea what to do with my time right now. I am tired, but I cannot sleep. 

My skin feels really dry, and I feel like just rubbing my shea butter stick all over my face, but since I use it as a lip balm, I'm sure that would be really gross. 

My brother counted my shoes today. He missed quite a few pairs though. I suppose the count is about forty or so. NOT ENOUGH. And he keeps trying to steal my Minolta. 

I should do laundry. 

Yellow.

I have to be up earlier than usual tomorrow, but I cannot sleep right now. I was trying to read Twilight to go to sleep, but that was a fail because reading it once (or twice...) was too much for me.  

Apparently my obsessions and compulsions (mostly the obsessions, since they are most persistent) can be treated with a different medication. So my therapist has instructed me to ingrain into my psychiatrist that I'm still having negative symptoms. I suppose that I'm so accustomed to living with obsessions (not so much the weird compulsions; they are new) that I don't notice them as much as I do the compulsions. I don't know how I feel about that, but I guess the OCD could be better controlled. I just like consistency. My therapist also pointed out that my fixation with the color yellow is particularly odd, since yellow is not a particularly soothing color. 

I have no faith in this Seche Vite topcoat anymore. None. I have had my nails painted for three and a half days, and they are chipped. I could blame this on typing, but I haven't really been typing, just watching YT videos like a really, really sluggish zombie. I can't concentrate on anything else. I tried to re-read lots of books, and it just won't work. So anyway--nails are chipped. I am displeased. Since I can't handle its high maintenance, I won't bother repurchasing once mine gets too hard. That is fucking ridiculous. 

I'm supposed to go visit my cousin on Wednesday. Now that the day is closer, I really don't feel like driving all the way out there, but I said I would, so I should. So I probably will. 

I watched The Bachelorette last night with my mom. Not only is that show quite possibly the most disgusting display of "reality" I have ever seen, but the woman on there is fucking STUPID. It is not cute. 

I don't like that my computer gets dirty on the inside. I have to clean around the hinge and space between the screen and the ...body? with a Q-tip. It's really annoying. It should have come with a lifetime supply of computer (and eco-) friendly cleaning supplies. Seriously. 

I suppose that there isn't much else to say. 

Twilight That Shit

So I was talking to my boyfriend, and I told him that I need to get some Twilight posters and shit, so I can just have a really "twied" out space. I don't know that anyone would really understand the sick humor that would be behind such a move though, so I'm not sure I can really Twi anything. If I walked into my bedroom and saw a fucking Twilight poster everyday, it would make my day every single time just because it's funny to me that people would put a fucking TWILIGHT POSTER on their walls! The Prince poster almost does that. The same concept is behind my Hello Kitty KAR idea. It would be amazing. If they made Twilight car accessories, I'd be all over them. I can just imagine driving around with my Twied out fucking car. Amazing. 

So since New Moon is coming out, and I am kind of excited about it, I decided I should re-read the book. Obviously. Even though I hated it because it's full of Jacob being obnoxious. I am pretty sure that I did not give each Twilight book its own review because I just said I didn't really like the series because it was stupid, but then I kind of liked it because it was stupid. The second book is absolutely my least favorite. After re-reading some key passages from the fourth one, I have decided it is no longer the worst book I have ever read. New Moon isn't either, but of all four of those pieces of shit, New Moon is the one I seriously loathe. And the excerpt on the back also pisses me off. Now then---if we know that Edward leaves, and we know that when he does Bella feels like she's got this "hole" in her chest, then the excerpt on the back which says "It was like there had never been any hole in my chest" we KNOW Edward comes back, and that's just not any fun; is it? It's fun to me because I know that the end of the book doesn't ultimately matter, particularly when it's in the middle of a series (though in these it kind of does because they lack substance), and I couldn't really care any less about it being spoiled, or whatever. Other people, on the other hand, would be upset about this. Of course, they'd all be super happy that Edward's BACK!!!, but they want that suspense all through the book. They need it; they live off of it. It makes me angry, and I knew as soon as Edward left that he was going to be back IN THAT BOOK because of the excerpt on the back of the book. Maybe I'm the only one suspicious enough to pick up on it? I'm the most suspicious reader ever. 

I am slightly ashamed at how much I just typed about Twilight (New Moon). BUT not ashamed enough to delete it. 

I feel manic and hyper and not even in a good place. This is bad. I do not like it. I blame Twilight. or the internet. Or Mental. or Bones. Or House! idk. 

I should watch a movie! or re-read this book. or finish that other book. or something. I don't know. 

I don't know why I'm even "blogging" right now.

AND my boyfriend NEEDS TO FINISH TWILIGHT SO HE CAN READ NEW MOON SO HE CAN GO SEE THE MOVIE WITH ME! 

The Birthday

I dragged my lovey to the aquarium, and I discovered that they now have two, gorgeous baby Giant Pacific Octopodes! and the cadaver of a GIANT SQUID! I cannot begin to explain how fucking enthralled I was to see not only one of my favorite octopodes (TWO and babies at that, super cute) in such close proximity BUT a giant squid...it's been a dream, ok? A fucking dream. I wish so badly that I could SCUBA dive deep enough to see a live, giant squid, but I know it is impossible, so I am so fucking happy that I got to examine up-close and personal a real fucking giant squid cadaver. I was flipping my shit. And the octopodes were fucking spectacular, at least one was. The other was hiding itself very well. I just wanted to go hug them, but of course their water would be too cold for me. The one I could see was so beautiful and so cute and so little! It seemed very agitated and upset though. I don't think such an animal should be kept in an aquarium. It's not a safe place for them, and they get bored so easily, and it's just not a good idea. They need to be in the ocean where they have lots of space. They need limitless space, like all the animals, but octopodes are considerably more intelligent than fish, obviously. I do feel bad for the whale sharks and the belugas though. They could also use more space, really, as they are huge creatures and so beautiful. 

Standing there, observing that beautiful octopus I felt that marine biology might be a really good direction for me. I could, of course, specialize in cephalopods. Obviously such things could change, as they often do with me, but I felt so strongly. I just love those majestic, beautiful creatures so much. They are just so amazing and interesting and ---------. Words cannot describe my immense interest. 

Otherwise, birthday bash went off without a hitch! Boyfriend seemed to like his gift (?!?!), so that makes me happy, and I hope it made him super happy as well. I was so afraid he wouldn't be surprised or like it or be excited or something like that. Sometimes I wish that I could find a steady, good job that in which I could actually LAST for a long period of time (I have a track record of being fired...) just so I could buy him presents all the time. I could spend all of my time shopping for him. OK. I am getting mushy. I will stop. We ate delicious noms, of course. We went to the park and played! AND we found the most delightful book store, and there were kitties living in it. I love when I find book stores with kitties living in them. I bought two books: one about New Zealand's flowers and birds, and one with funny pictures of cats with silly "cat" captions. For only FIVE DOLLARS. I found a map in there that was like 300USD or something. I might be confused though. I often am. 

Cephalic problems are most unpleasant. 

I tried to be as festive as possible with themed makeup, though I totally fucked up one eye and did NOT have time to fix it as well as I wanted to, so I was all self-conscious about it all day. I doubt anyone really noticed though. That is what I tell myself. 

I suppose that is all I have to say for today. Oh, my cousin is having a baby today, or she might have already. I don't know. No one is keeping me updated. :o/

Finals.

It's finals time! I hate finals. I am not excited about my English final at all because my teacher gave us this really vague question. I hate vague questions! 

And for the oral report, the two groups that went before my partner and me went over time, so we only had like ten minutes to talk, and it sucked because I had to cut stuff out and rush through, and we were just like ...ugh. She particularly put a lot of work into it, so---that was just not cool. Which reminds me---I MUST type our annotated bibliography and send it to our teacher in the morning. If I forget, I will cry. So yes. I will do it. I suppose I could do it right now, after I finish typing this. I will. Then I have to start studying for my history final. I have to get an A. I cannot get anything less than an A. I have some studying to do for my psychology final, and I suppose I should start thinking about my English final, but it's not due until next Thursday. 

My joints are hurting a lot. My muscles are hurting a lot. My face feels bruised. I'm getting concerned about it. I usually just assume that I'm being a hypochondriac and paranoid, but I'm starting to think I might actually have some kind of sickness. But it could also be a result of my new medicine. I figure since most of the muscle problems have been happening for a long time (before I started the medicine), I should have it checked out. I hope they tell me I'm just crazy. I don't like weird symptoms that I can't even think of an explanation for them. (and that sentence) I mean--the joints are arthritic, but it's getting particularly bad. Hmph. 

I was really stressed and frazzled today for some reason. I've stopped taking my Xanax whenever I get really upset. Today I couldn't take any because I didn't get any sleep. I didn't want to fall asleep before my oral report, even though I ended up not really needing to be awake at all. I did, however, make my delicious cinnamon chocolate coffee this morning, and I had two cups of it, and it was delicious, except then I had to pee ALL day. School's over, so I should feel a bit more calm, and I have my summer projects! I was going to apply for something over the summer, but I decided not to. It's OK. I need to rest. It's ridiculous.

I'm considering sending out applications to other schools just to see if I get accepted, and perhaps if I get accepted to the one I like, I'll take out bunches of loans and run away to an island and play in the sand and jump off cliffs and stuff. Or not. 

Oh, maybe I'll find a job. I should look into that before high school is out. Stupid high school students making more money than I do. 

I have two books from the library to read, and I'm excited about them. One is super nerdy and what one would expect me to read. Darwin. And the other is a collection of short stories by Neil Gaiman. Since Amanda Palmer keeps talking about Neil Gaiman, I just have to see why. So I grabbed the book. I find my best readings come from the random books I grab in libraries and book stores. So I have lots of books to read over the summer. Yay! And I hope this summer won't go the same direction that last summer did.

And my birthday had better be super awesome. 

And so had my anniversary with love dove. 

And so had my summer projects. 

And everything else in my life. 

I should probably go back to sleep now. Oh, after the annotated bibliography. Yes. 

Fucking Farkakteh.

OK.

I bought some more makeup. Is anyone surprised? 

My new phone, my American Apparel items, my Stila arrived. The flat iron has not. I received a phone call about it today. Unfortunately the phone call came at a time when I was having my daily depressive nap. The one I take after I wake up. So I had to call them back and leave a message, which I hate doing. 

I bought three new eyeshadows, two combs, and some lip gloss. I like the lip gloss more than I thought I would. The color is gold. Odd color for me. I'm experimenting with different colors lately. 

It took three days to get my phone to work. It's working now though. Finally. Super excited about that whole thing. I love it, too. It's so nice. 

The American Apparel items are amazing, of course. The dress I ordered looks really hot on me. They didn't send me the shorts I ordered. They sent me a sweater thing in its place, which I actually like. And it costs more than the shorts. I'm confused. I kind of like the sweater, so I don't want to say "oh hey---you sent me the wrong thing" because I like it, and well---I don't know. I'm confused, as I said. Farkakteh, if you will. I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do, so I'm not doing anything apart from enjoying this comfy sweater. ???

The Stila items arrived yesterday, so I have not used them yet. I ordered the illuminating tinted moisturizer (which I love) and an eyeshadow wash in Kitten, which I also love. I have no reason to use either of these items any time soon though. 

I saw my psychiatrist today. The nurse was a raging bitch as usual, and I hate her. I fucking hate her. She has no reason to be such a bitch. In Fact, she has more reasons to be a decent human being considering she sees emotionally sensitive people All Fucking Day. Fucking bitch. The doctor was no help, of course. He gave me a new medicine in addition to all my other ones. I'm so fucking excited. I can barely contain myself. 

I've decided on an entirely different path for my skin care routine. It's much less expensive, and it will probably be more effective. This makes me happy on several fronts. I've also chosen a less expensive new shampoo, and the best part is that it smells just like the Pureology without the $27 price tag!!! and it has the same ingredients. I checked. 

I have four new books. Love dove bought two. I bought the other two. 

I was not going to spend anymore money after buying the eyeshadows yesterday, but today my mother said some very hurtful/offensive things and really pissed me off, so I had to leave. I went to several stores--all full of makeup--without buying anything, but when I stopped in the book store to see if they had the book I need for my psychology class (they don't), I ended up grabbing a couple of books that I wanted. I am sure I will read them soon and review them.

Lies. I am too depressed to read anything. 

I really have nothing important/interesting/entertaining to say. 

makeup stuff and why I haven't said anything about books in a really long time

Makeup: 

I bought this new foundation that feels really thick on my skin, but it gives amazing coverage, and it makes me look gorgeous without covering my freckles. It is Maybelline Instant Age Rewind cream foundation. It applies best with fingers, even though I really don't like to put it on with my fingers, and it works perfectly on my skin with my Stila convertible color in gerbera, which is my love love love of all blushes. This foundations does good things for my skin, but if I accidentally put too much (usually if I use a brush) it will actually make me look like I have wrinkles, like where my forehead creases and such. It is not cute, and it makes me furious. If I can apply it lightly (with my fingers or a damp sponge), it's perfect, and I love it. 

I also bought Boots No7 Colour Calming makeup base. It's green. I bought it because my face has been this undesirable red color lately, and it's horrendous, but this stuff is like green water. I didn't notice any difference except that I had to put more foundation over it to cover the green, which made me feel like I was wearing a clay mask all day. I might have used too much, so I'm not going to rule it out just yet. I'll try it tomorrow! 

I also finally bought the travel/mineral brush set from Eco-Tools, and I love them. I really like every single brush, except the kabuki brush. The bristles are too long to behave as a kabuki brush should, so it's more like a compact powder brush. Since I don't use or like kabuki brushes (I prefer flat top brushes), it works perfectly for me. I really like the little bamboo pouch. It fits the perfect amount of essentials for a night out (for touch ups). For school days, 12 hours, I need a larger bag. 

That might be all I've gotten in the way of new makeup lately. I don't know if I mentioned my Coastal Scents stuff or not, but I love the 26 eyeshadow/blush palette. I hate the peach bellini gel eyeliner. It's bright ass pink. It does not work as a base. It is NOT peach. I use it as on my bottom lash line occasionally to brighten up an otherwise neutral look. I just noticed there is a superficial break in the glass of my jar though, and it's too late for me to contact Coastal Scents about it, but I am furious. I did not pay seven dollars for a broken jar. I really love the turquoise gel liner. It is beautiful and sparkly and works perfectly as a base or as a shadow color on its own. It's gorgeous. 

I am planning to head to my CCO soon to see if I can find a couple of MAC pigments at a discounted price. I love saving money! And I only need one or two. And a brush, maybe. There are a couple of other things as well, but it's mostly for the pigments. I can't decide if I want to buy more of the lip conditioner in the tube, in the twist-up thing, or the jar. Maybe I'll just buy all three since I like it so much. 

Skincare:

I bought a tub of Jason Natural aloe vera cream moisturizer, and it's so amazing. I use it on my whole body (and my face at night --I alternate it with my firming cream), and it moisturizes so well, and a little bit goes a very long way. For a seven dollar tub of cream, it's working wonders for my skin, and it's going to last me quite a while. And the smell. The smell is pure deliciousness (if you're a nature nut like me). 

I'm considering a new skin care regimen from The Body Shop. I don't want any sulfates in my cleansers, and that's the only place I can find a cleanser I like that does what I want that does not contain sulfates. So. It's obviously a bit more expensive than what I use now, but in the long run, I think it's worth it. And I love The Body Shop's policies. I love their scents, their lotions, everything. I might buy some bath stuff as well, since that's also difficult to find without sulfates. 

Haircare:

Speaking of sulfates, I'm switching my shampoo. I have been using my Dr. Bronner's pure castile soap in lavendar, but I'm starting to be disturbed by the texture, so I am going to try Kiss My Face Whenever shampoo, or maybe the volumizing one. The point is I do not want sulfates in my shampoo. My conditioner is fine. I've only been washing my hair twice a week at most, since I'm considering growing it out. I'm trying to make sure it's as healthy as possible in the event that I don't have it all chopped off again soon, since I can't make up my mind. I am also trying to use as little heat as possible, which is working well since my hair is now at a length where it can stand on its own without much heat styling. And it air dries pretty quickly, which is a good sign. 

Why I Haven't Been Discussing Any Books:

I haven't been reading anything. I read "Hero and Leander" by Christopher Marlowe for school, and it's absolutely beautiful and should be read by all, but other than that I have either been on the internet doing research or trying to sleep or just fucking around. My mind cannot concentrate on a book right now. 

My friend sent me a promotional copy of his book, and I am expected to read it and get back to him with a review. I received the book a few weeks ago. I have not read a single page. I just cannot focus. I do not know how I managed to focus on all four Twilight books at all. I suppose since the writing is rather juvenile, it was easier, and it requires much less attention. 

I have also been working on all these movies S sent me. He sent me a ton of movies, and I feel so pressured into watching all of them and letting him know how I feel about them. Blarg. I shall get it all done. I am super Jew! 

Miscellaneous:

I haven't had any desire to buy shoes in a while. Good thing? Bad thing? I don't know.