A quick little update.

I am slotted to work this weekend as an extra in a movie being filmed here, so I will have a little bit of money coming in. Other than that, I am trying to find a more steady job as I am taking a break from school this semester (like I need it---I am so far behind! ugh).

I mixed my own nail polish yesterday. It was my first time ever doing it, and it actually came out pretty well. It reminds me a lot of Color Club Revvvolution, except it is a bit lighter and no holographic-ness to it. It is very pretty nonetheless, and there is a lot of glitter. I used about four different glitter nail polishes in it, two grays, a clear basecoat (to thin it out), some quick dry drops (to thin it out), remnants of Seche Vite topcoat (that's the bottle in which I mixed it), some random Wet 'n' Wild glitter I had lying around, a gold pigment from NYX, a silver pigment from NYX, and a white iridescent pigment from a Hello Kitty stack I bought years ago from Target. The pigments ended up swirling around in the polish, so each application should be a unique experience. That excites me.

I have been doing a lot of e-bay shopping lately. I have spent a total of eighty six dollars or so on e-bay. I bought a gorgeous bra from my favorite bra company (Chantelle) for less than half the retail price (and it is unworn, perfect condition, pretty and lacy, which is not something I can usually wear as I have giant boobs), two nail polishes, some Invader Zim nail decals --not totally sure why I bought those, a Swarovski crystal encrusted snake ring, a cute peridot ring as that is my birthstone, and I have always wanted one!, a lot of five Hamsa pendants, a gold elephant bracelet and maybe something I am forgetting? I do not know.

I also bought a few nail polishes at Walgreens the other day. I bought a Wet 'n' Wild one in Club Havana, which is a nice, neon coral. Two colors from Sinful Colors as I find those nail polishes are fabulous quality, especially for such a cheap price tag. I went to CVS to see if I could find Milani's Dressmaker, which is an exact dupe of Chanel's Jade (which sells now for 400 - 500 USD) and is just a really pretty color, but I could not find it. I shall check other CVS stores. If I am unable to find it, I will try to swap for it or live without it. It is not that important to me, and I am not willing to pay the ridiculous prices people will set for it on e-bay. It is a five fucking dollar nail polish, so I do not think you are justified in setting the base price at fifteen, assholes. I do not care how highly coveted/hard to find the polish is: don't be a dick.

I set up a swap with a girl on MUA, and she has no idea that I am sending her a ridiculous amount of extras. I was already sending her three nail polishes (OPI Got A Date To-Knight, China Glaze Watermelon Rind, and Seche Clear base coat), but I sent her my Poshe top coat because I did not like it even though it is similar to Seche Vite minus all the gross chemicals, and I figured she'd need a thick top coat for Watermelon Rind as it is glittery and thick, which means it'll be chunky feeling without a good, thick top coat. I hope that one works for her. I also sent her a Sally Girl polish in white to use under Got A Date To-Knight because it is a super sheer color that must to be applied over a white base otherwise you'll be applying like five coats to get it opaque. I also sent an OPI mini in You're A Pisa Work. She is only sending me one nail polish and a facial cleanser! I do not know if she will include extras. We shall see. I should receive her package on Wednesday.
I also set up a swap for my black and white striped tunnels that I cannot get into my ears and China Glaze Orange Marmalade (another glittery one; I just don't like glitters that much), but I do not remember offhand what she is sending me. I keep these things recorded, though. I do not think I sent her any extras though. OH! know what she sent me! I already got her package! OPI Chocolate Shake-speare and a Jordana liner in a green sparkly color. And a weird smelling, cheap lip balm. It is a very moisturizing lip balm though. I think I will give it to my sister. Her lips get really dry, and I have tons of lip balms already. I wanted to send her a lip balm tin or two, but I could not find them when I was packing up her package! It shall be sent out today.

Yesterday while I was out with Brother Bear (who left last night, :o(((( I will miss him so much), we found this delightful little antique store behind a DUI school and another antique store, and I was so excited! I found a bunch of really awesome stuff, like a Winnie the Pooh nutcracker, an antique toaster, a bunch of adorable elephant figurines, really nice unicorn figurines, an old-fashioned baby doll stroller, a Swiss musical stein, some adorable necklaces and clutches, a few rooster things for my mom, some owl stuff, adorable furniture, beautiful tableware, a tabletop lighter (I love those!), and lots and lots of other neat things.

I read Middlesex by Jeffree Eugenides, which I hate. I found it to be similar to The Kite Runner in that I believe the author was merely capitalizing on the struggle of intersex individuals at the time of writing and exploiting an important issue just to make money and get on the bestseller list. Oh, and Oprah. Not to mention it is a book that reaches a pretty large audience because it is fiction, and people are afraid to read true stories about things they do not understand --like intersex issues--, and I fear that people will call intersex hermaphrodite, which is incorrect, and they will also just assume that all intersex people are inbred, as the character in the book is closely inbred. Eugenides also wasted a lot of words talking about Greece, explaining the past and did not put much focus on the character's struggle with his sex. It also seems very over-written, like there was too much effort into every single word in the book, and while I know writing should take some effort (it does for most people), I do not want to see your effort. Like dancing, I believe a word of literature should seem as if it was written effortlessly. Not a fan of that book at all. I am not sure if I have already discussed this. I hope I am not repeating myself.

I am going to miss my brother so much while he is away. Obviously I grew up with him, but he was gone at school for three years, and I have had him back at home for a year and a half now, and he is leaving again for school far away. I love my brother! I am so accustomed to having him here now, so I was sad to see him leave. I will have to gather the gas money to go visit him as he will not be coming back home much since his bed is no longer here, and he has to sleep in my room when he visits, which neither of us really likes. He has been having an awfully bad week, too, and I wish I could have cheered him up while he was here. He feels a bit better now though. :o( I miss him!

I suppose there is nothing else new to report, and I shy away from intelligent blog posts. Why would I waste my energy on a silly little blog?

Items Received in Swaps

I can't remember all of the stuff, but this is the gist of what I've received this week.

Zoya

I ordered two Zoya nail polishes. I got one free, but since their shipping is almost seven dollars, I'm counting it as significantly reduced shipping (since I technically paid for two bottles, plus some). I still saved six dollars! I ordered Yasmeen (what Flying Dragon should have been) and Veruschuka, which is part of the winter matte collection. It's a dark green. It's going to chip just as badly as Dovima. WHY DID I BUY IT?!

I don't know if I mentioned this---since Dovima is matte, it has to be worn on the nails completely by itself. It chipped within a few hours of application. Next time I will try two coats, even though only one is necessary. Perhaps that will help with the chipping.

I also got a bunch of stuff in MUA swaps, but I have tucked it all away, and I can't remember what any of it is.

Except one thing.

I never tried Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush lip glosses because I buy my lip gloss elsewhere, but someone sent me one (brand new, still sealed, obviously unused) in Cupquake. It smells and tastes like cake. CAKE. I have had lip gloss that smells like cake before. I have never had lip gloss that tastes like cake. I am officially in love with them, and I will buy tons and tons and tons of them until the end of time. Cupquake is also really pretty, but really---it could be hideous, and I'd like it because it tastes like cake. It's also super sticky which means it stays on forever. I even napped with it on, and it was still there---glitter and all. <3

Sick--still? oh, yes.

As I've been purchasing more makeup items, I've been clearing lots out through MUA. I have already sent out two nail polishes of which I'm not particularly fond. I have lots of other items up for swap as well. That's all.

Last week I developed an icky cold, but over the weekend it seemed to have retreated. False. Monday morning, in the middle of English, I became violently ill. I waited through class, and when I was finished I scurried to the caf to get a brownie. Perhaps a brownie would help. No. The brownies at my school happen to be delicious, but the brownie did nothing for me except provide a few extra calories to burn. I drove home. I really wanted to go to my history class to see my grade on my test, but I felt very close to collapse. I took cold medicine and collapsed. I can't take a lot of any type of medicine to alleviate my sore throat, stuffy nose, aches, etc., so I'm particularly miserable. It still hasn't gone away, so I'll be missing classes again this morning. I hate it. I fucking hate missing classes. It's too early in the semester to have missed as many as I already have. :o/

So over the past two days I've been laying in my bed absolutely miserable, reading books and attempting noms when made available. I re-read New Moon, since the movie is soon, and I didn't give it a review before. I also read some of my philosophy stuff. Descartes. I even did the homework assignment we had, though I won't be able to turn it in since I'm sick. I'll have to e-mail my HOT teacher to get the homework for today. I better be well by Friday, since I absolutely must be in class. ugh.

I am going back to bed.

My Only MAC Eyeshadow: Warm Chill

I'd post a photo, but seriously--you can google. It was a limited edition color that was released with the Cool Heat collection summer '08. And I saw it at my CCO, and I was like "ooh that's pretty" and bought it for cheaps (almost half it's normal price, actually). I didn't test it in the store, which wasn't a good idea, but anyway--here's what I have to say. I NEVER USE IT. It's a pretty green/blue with a gold duo-chrome (it's a frost). When it's applied without a base, it doesn't really show up. It looks like a very light gold shimmer, which is pretty, but not what I wanted. When I put it on with a base, it's a more vibrant gold shimmer, almost yellow, but still very little green. It can be layered to be a very subtle blue/green with a beautiful gold shimmer, and that's what I like. I've considered swapping it on MUA, but then I'm like "no, it's pretty!" because I really like the gold duo-chrome. I also really love the little pots MAC eyeshadows are in, but they're plastic, and that's bad. I'm thinking that if I ever feel the need to buy more MAC eye shadows, I should just get a 15 pan pro-palette and buy the individual panned shadows. They're cheaper than the potted ones anyway. (The little pots aren't really that bad though because you can Back2MAC them, and they recycle them...or rather reuse.) Anyway, I plan to put my eye shadow to better use, poor lonely eye shadow. 

I was on the MAC website last night checking out new things, and I created a huge lipstick/lipglass wish list. Ridiculous. I really like MAC's lip products. I would call them their standout products, but that's just me (probably). And I need more purple/fuchsia lipsticks! And I still cannot wait for the black lipglasses. Lancome sells black gloss, but it's overpriced, so I'm happy that MAC is doing it! They have pretty sparkles in them, too. Oh, if only October would come faster! (I'm sure it will be here soon enough, after my awful birthday). 

I entered a contest to win a really neat (and good!) self-tanning thingamajig. I hope I win. I want pretty color. And it also just seems fun. And if I don't like it, I can swapsies! 

My mom is planning to put a pond in the yard somewhere (she would prefer the back since it's like a jungle, but the dogs would play in it and stuff), and I'm thinking we could tuck my turtles in there! That way they can be outside where they belong, but they will still be with me, and I can watch them grow up, and it'll be so cute. I want a pond! 

I haven't slept yet. 

Noms.

I AM GOING TO MAKE THIS AND EAT IT AND LOVE IT AND FEEL FAT.

I actually had something else to say, something really important, like "I have a headache" or "I've been watching lesbian vids on YouTube all day" or something.

Obviously, I always put important things on this here blog. IT IS MY LIFE.

Today my makeup felt cakey, and I was like eeeeiw, and I just had to remove it asap, which I did.

About my MUA swap. Interesting things to report. I decided to send this girl the BBW Cotton Blossom spray AND the matching Body Cream because I never use it, an well...that's like $25 worth of stuff.

I am incredibly generous; I know.

Well, since my medicine is going to kill me.

I was out, and I came home, and my lungs hurt, and my throat hurts, and I feel really, really awful. I have used my inhaler like ten times, and well, that's not good. I guess I will call my doctor on Monday and get some stupid fucking "diagnosis" from my doctor. I am sure it will just be spring allergies aggravating my asthma. The usual. 

I really like the Voile slimshine from MAC. Thanks, love dove! It looks really good on my lips. 

I do NOT understand how people make videos for YouTube where they just talk. I am possibly entering a contest, and I could either do a live video or a photo montage, and I tried to do a video, but I felt really stupid talking to my computer, so I stopped. I can't do it. Photo montage it will be! I made my brother take pictures of my makeup for me since I apparently have Parkinson's. It actually came out really well, considering that I put like 10 minutes into it. It looked exactly as I meant it to look, which is rarely the case with me and my makeup. Unfortunately, it wasn't necessarily pretty because I meant for it to be slightly garish, and that's how it looked. Yay me! And I got waterproof lash glue in my eye. That was awful. 

I have set up another swap on MUA, but I forgot that I can't mail out my stuff until later this week. The person with whom I have arranged the swap is in Canada (boo higher shipping cost), and I am sending a liquid (which BLOWS) and some extra stuff, but she's so nice. She's like "so what else would you like me to send you?" as it is customary on MUA to send extras when swapping. Any extra makeup I have, I've either used (but not often) or give away or thrown away or something stupid, so I'm like "what extras can I send?!" I found some random lip gloss samples that I have (unused, obviously), and a moisturizer sample, and stuff along with the actual swap item. The shipping cost should be lower than the the total price of all the stuff I am sending. Since she lives in Canada, I know she cannot easily obtain the items I am sending, which pleases me. I cannot decide if I should send a lotion sample as well, in the same scent of the spray I am sending. Bath products are the only things I have that I don't use. So...

So about this illness type thing, I am a bit concerned. (Yoda ftw) I was visiting my cousin and her mini earlier, so I'm hoping that I am not incubating an infectious disease as I'd feel like an asshole if I made a baby sick. The small one got the hiccups while I was holding her. I forgot how nervous babies make me. Newborns scare the shit out of me because they feel so fragile, of course. She is awfully cute though. At least she's not one of those funny looking babies. Because it's all about outward appearances, obviously. 

I am trying to finish THE BOOK this week. It will not happen. I am a failure. 

I have no idea what to do with my time right now. I am tired, but I cannot sleep. 

My skin feels really dry, and I feel like just rubbing my shea butter stick all over my face, but since I use it as a lip balm, I'm sure that would be really gross. 

My brother counted my shoes today. He missed quite a few pairs though. I suppose the count is about forty or so. NOT ENOUGH. And he keeps trying to steal my Minolta. 

I should do laundry. 

Bits of Fluff!

First and foremost, my nails today are blue and shiny with China Glaze's "Sexy in the City."  Yes, they do look like crap. I am not in the mood to clean them up right this second, and I seriously just finished them. The lighting in here does not do the color justice. It's darker than that! 

I received my MUA swap finally. I got the NYX Doll Eye mascara (which I used today, and I really like it). The swapper also sent me a baby pink Sephora lip pencil and a sample jar of Fawn Intensive Foundation from Everyday Minerals. I already use that, so...thanks. 

Other things of note: NEW MOON TRAILER!

I am pretty excited about it, particularly since it looks better than the first one, AND it looks like they finally plucked Kristen Stewart's eyebrows, so she's like ten times more attractive than she used to be!!! Amazing. 

Now to the important bits of fluff that aren't particularly fluffy. 

WWF = my favorite organization. 

I'd like everyone to listen to this. 

Also, adopt an animal or five. I have asked several people to adopt an animal for me in lieu of material gifts for my birthday. Obviously, I'd really like an octopus adoption (or five) and the Bornean pygmy elephants and pygmy marmosets and, like, all the other animals. RED PANDA. I just want more people to pay attention to wildlife and what all of our bullshit does to it. Seriously. It's disgusting and shameful. Any kind of donation to the World Wildlife Fund would make me happy. 

Also, this is a really good thing to which everyone should donate. One of the charities receiving funds is the WWF!

Rubbish!

I cannot find the L'oreal Telescopic Explosion mascara anywhere, but there are so many new mascaras coming out that I'm super overwhelmed. I am such a ridiculous mascara junkie. That and foundation. I really want to try the regular Telescopic since I've never used it, but so many people seem to like it. I have low hopes of ever finding anything as wonderful as my Too Faced Lash Injection. It is quite a lot up to which to live, and no mascara I've tried has done it just yet. I still don't have a good brown or burgundy. Life will go on. 

I have been using my Revlon Matte Lipstick in Nude Attitude a lot lately. I really like the slightly subdued pinky tone it gives my lips. I do not find it to be drying at all. It may pass my MAC Fresh Brew (from Hello Kitty) as my favorite lipstick, though the Fresh Brew is really moisturizing. All of my other lip colors have been lonely since I've only been using the Revlon lately. Poor NYX lip glosses, Jane Lipkick, Maybelline something or other, etc. Oh, and my poor Rimmels. I love Rimmel lipsticks. They have such a nice texture, and color payoff is fantastic. The only problem is that the red I have is really messy. It's very difficult to get it on without making a huge mess! Maybe that's just me though. 

I am also really in love with my Maybelline Dream Matte Powder. I use it for touch ups during the day as I use a silica powder to set my makeup and MAC MSF natural/shimmer all over for a nice, dewy glow. It is more convenient to stick in my bag than the MSF. 

I think I should probably put some of my unloved perfumes and such on MUA. They are harder to ship since they are liquids, but since I do not like them and do not use them, it makes sense to send them off to someone who might like them. 

I am still sad that I am lacking purple in my life, and I am having a very difficult time finding a color shampoo that doesn't have a migraine inducing scent. Since I discovered that my Pureology was giving me migraines (oh woe!), I set out to find a new shampoo. They all seem to have similar scents that make my eyes explode and head pound, so I've been using my Organix Shea Butter shampoo. It's sulfate free, so I know it's not stripping color or anything out of my hair. So that's fine. I don't know that I have anything new to report on hair products. 

I haven't got any new nail polishes, but I NEED TO. I really need more purples. It's killing me. It's making me depressed. 

Lots of little, stupid things have been making me depressed lately, and I'm so tired of it. It's so stupid. I keep getting really angry at the boyfriend and angry about life and frustrated and hopeless and depressed and unhappy and just ... :o(. I have no appreciation for such mood fluctuations. My quality of life should be massively improved since I'm not in school at the moment (lots of rest), and I have all of my lovely medications. I fucking HATE people acting like my medicine makes me happy. It obviously does not. Seriously---fuck people who say shit like that. I think they need to be punched in the face by someone less pacifistic than I am. It is fucking infuriating. I believe I have lost all hope in humanity. I do not forgive people for treating their environment and fellow humans and animals the way they do. I do not know what else to feel toward them. 

I still feel really sad for the octopodes at the aquarium. They looked so sad. I do not think I have ever seen an animal looking so unhappy. I feel like one of those little octopodes, trapped and unhappy, unable to properly hide and unable to swim somewhere else.

I am angry.

Very angry. My brother is laying around being a lazy ass instead of pursuing his passion and letting me reap the benefits. By benefits I mean good pictures of myself to show to people. I must say that he is the only person who photographs me well. Every other time, I look hideous. Maybe I am hideous, but it doesn't change the fact that I never look hideous when he photographs me. So I'd really appreciate to have these photos. Or to see them, at least. WHY CAN I NOT HAVE ONE SIMPLE THING ABOUT WHICH TO FEEL GOOD? 

Love dove bought me the rainbow quilt. I am most pleased. I have to plan his birthday. It's difficult and stressful and making me unhappy. I don't think I can do what I want to do with this, and well--I don't think he fucking cares. In fact, I get the idea he'd rather do something else with someone else, which makes me feel like shit. When I say someone else I mean anyone else, no one specific, just to be clear. He says he doesn't like plans or planning, but he sounds upset that I haven't made concrete plans. I suppose it's because he could do something better than spend time with me. After all, today he called it a waste. Thanks. My withering self-esteem needed that. 

I really want to sit in therapy forever until everything else is clear to me. I have too many things to say. I can't afford to go once a week. I go every three. One hour every three weeks is not enough. I must have the guidance though. All the time I said I could do it alone. I had no idea what I was trying to do. I still don't. 

My compulsions are getting worse and much more strange. Today I felt compelled to touch people's stomachs. I can't touch people's stomachs, so I felt a great deal of anxiety. Also, I had a very stressful twenty minutes at the post office. I can't figure out how to mail a fucking envelope because I'm apparently fucking stupid. And it was ultimately a waste of money. I should have sent more. 

There is no moving forward. 

Industrial Woes.

My industrial in my ear was hurting really bad. When the jewelry is in, I can't see the holes to see if they are irritated, so I had to remove it, which I've never done. I have had this piercing for two years, and I have never removed the jewelry. Why would I? Well, for starters, when I removed it, it pulled gunk out. One problem with the industrial is that it makes it harder to clean that part of my ear because there is a bar in the way! So it gets gross. I realize now that I should remove it more often just to clean it. I mean I rinse it in the shower, but apparently that's not working so well. So I pulled it out, and the bar had gunk on it, and I was like "eiw." And then I poked around the holes to see what was going on, why they hurt, etc. The upper hole (the one closest to my head) is all crusty inside and out (in and out of my ear), and the lower hole is just really irritated and swollen. I assume it is from sleeping on it or something and putting a lot of pressure on the piercings. I am not sure what to do for the pain though other than take ibuprofen (which I probably shouldn't take).  This piercing doesn't respond well to ice or cold (it makes it hurt more), so I can't ice it. I have to put the jewelry back in eventually, obviously. I'm not even completely positive that I can get it back in. I know it is going to hurt. I should probably get some Provon for it. That might make it feel better. Provon makes everything feel better. Ouchies! :o/ 

In other news, I still need like a million more nail polishes. Love dove just doesn't understand this obsession. He doesn't see the lack of variety in my polishes. I don't really have that many. I will not count but eyeballing it I'd say twenty, maybe pushing thirty tops. NOT ENOUGH. Only TWO purples. Four blues. ONE red. four greens. idk. whatever. I need more. I mostly want more purples, more lilacs and lavenders and such. I only have glittery purples at the moment. I want creamy purple! And more yellow. I only have one yellow, and I'm not much of a fan of it. 

I have my first potential swap on MUA almost set up, and I am super excited. If all goes well, I will be receiving NYX Doll Eye mascara (which is on one of the lists below!) in exchange for my Boots No7 Mattifying Base, which doesn't work for my skin because it's just not oily enough. I am very excited to swap something. For one thing, it means I will not have wasted my money on something I don't use, but also, since I've never swapped before people don't want to swap with me because they don't know me. The more swaps I do, the more trusted I will be. So I want to swap! as much as possible. I suppose I should add all of those things on my lists below to my wish list on there, even though my list of items to swap is very small. I happen to like most of the makeup things I have purchased. 

It seems odd to wish for oily skin, but seriously ---oily skin looks younger longer, and I like younger skin. I always assume I will die before I can get wrinkles and such though. It just seems that it will happen. We'll see. 

I still can't decide where to stick my Arctic Ocean map! I am trying to get my room rearranged and remove shit I don't want/need in here and clean and organize and all that happy jazz. So I can't really make choices like that until it's all finishes. I just don't know what to do with all this Stuff. It is driving me crazy. I hate Stuff. And still I need more. Oy.