No, birthday, no.

I couldn't sleep again, but I have things to do today, so I'm going to make some of my delicious cinnamon chocolate coffee and then take a shower. Then I'll read. 

All night I have been feeling really depressed about my birthday. It's in a few weeks, and I don't want it to happen. It's the same as last year. I hope that I will at least receive happy presents this year, like maybe someone will actually look at my wish list and buy something from it instead of either promising me something they won't buy or just giving me a last minute "oh shit I forgot" gift. Or nothing at all. I am so down on my birthday. 

At the moment, I am loving all things purple. In particular, though, I absolutely love NYX purple eye shadow. It is so gorgeous. It's a deep violet with a blue duo-chrome, and it is SO pretty. It's very soft and pigmented. I've found that NYX eye shadows are very hit or miss with the pigmentation. Most of the shimmery ones are chalky and not so good. The matte and satin ones are fantastic. I also love the Jumbo Eye Shadow Pencils--particularly black bean. gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous. Yay NYX. 

I wish I had slept. :o/

Rubbish!

I cannot find the L'oreal Telescopic Explosion mascara anywhere, but there are so many new mascaras coming out that I'm super overwhelmed. I am such a ridiculous mascara junkie. That and foundation. I really want to try the regular Telescopic since I've never used it, but so many people seem to like it. I have low hopes of ever finding anything as wonderful as my Too Faced Lash Injection. It is quite a lot up to which to live, and no mascara I've tried has done it just yet. I still don't have a good brown or burgundy. Life will go on. 

I have been using my Revlon Matte Lipstick in Nude Attitude a lot lately. I really like the slightly subdued pinky tone it gives my lips. I do not find it to be drying at all. It may pass my MAC Fresh Brew (from Hello Kitty) as my favorite lipstick, though the Fresh Brew is really moisturizing. All of my other lip colors have been lonely since I've only been using the Revlon lately. Poor NYX lip glosses, Jane Lipkick, Maybelline something or other, etc. Oh, and my poor Rimmels. I love Rimmel lipsticks. They have such a nice texture, and color payoff is fantastic. The only problem is that the red I have is really messy. It's very difficult to get it on without making a huge mess! Maybe that's just me though. 

I am also really in love with my Maybelline Dream Matte Powder. I use it for touch ups during the day as I use a silica powder to set my makeup and MAC MSF natural/shimmer all over for a nice, dewy glow. It is more convenient to stick in my bag than the MSF. 

I think I should probably put some of my unloved perfumes and such on MUA. They are harder to ship since they are liquids, but since I do not like them and do not use them, it makes sense to send them off to someone who might like them. 

I am still sad that I am lacking purple in my life, and I am having a very difficult time finding a color shampoo that doesn't have a migraine inducing scent. Since I discovered that my Pureology was giving me migraines (oh woe!), I set out to find a new shampoo. They all seem to have similar scents that make my eyes explode and head pound, so I've been using my Organix Shea Butter shampoo. It's sulfate free, so I know it's not stripping color or anything out of my hair. So that's fine. I don't know that I have anything new to report on hair products. 

I haven't got any new nail polishes, but I NEED TO. I really need more purples. It's killing me. It's making me depressed. 

Lots of little, stupid things have been making me depressed lately, and I'm so tired of it. It's so stupid. I keep getting really angry at the boyfriend and angry about life and frustrated and hopeless and depressed and unhappy and just ... :o(. I have no appreciation for such mood fluctuations. My quality of life should be massively improved since I'm not in school at the moment (lots of rest), and I have all of my lovely medications. I fucking HATE people acting like my medicine makes me happy. It obviously does not. Seriously---fuck people who say shit like that. I think they need to be punched in the face by someone less pacifistic than I am. It is fucking infuriating. I believe I have lost all hope in humanity. I do not forgive people for treating their environment and fellow humans and animals the way they do. I do not know what else to feel toward them. 

I still feel really sad for the octopodes at the aquarium. They looked so sad. I do not think I have ever seen an animal looking so unhappy. I feel like one of those little octopodes, trapped and unhappy, unable to properly hide and unable to swim somewhere else.

Distracted!

Quick Review - That BioInfusion shampoo and conditioner duo SUCKS. It didn't clean my hair, and there is so much peppermint oil in it that it burned my eyes as soon as I opened the bottle. I do not know what I will do with it, but at least they are sample bottles. 

For some reason when I went to Sally's to buy dry shampoo (which they didn't have) I ended up buying Beyond the Zone Split Mender despite the fact that I already have a product for that, AND three nail polishes that I definitely didn't need. They are pretty though. They are from China Glaze's summer collection: Grape Juice (which is on my nails now), Orange Marmalade, and Watermelon Rind, which is the prettiest of all but not as summery to me. I don't think "summer" when I see dark, glittery green. I think autumn. I am still waiting on my other nail polishes to arrive (including the Good basecoat and the Good topcoat. Those two things are what I really want. I am giving the company until Wednesday to notify me of shipping, or I'm canceling the order. That's $25 I can put to better use. Also, the company promises to ship within 24 hours. Yeah. Didn't happen. I'm not happy. 

I have figured out part of D's birthday present, finally. I get totally freaked out every time his birthday comes, not only because the first one with him sucked, but because I have to buy him the perfect thing! And he is very nonspecific. He does not understand that he has to give me a direction for gifts. 

Amidst all of this I have to say that the Twilight soundtrack is really good (who would have thought?), and there is a song by Linkin Park on it that is actually not that bad. I give it three stars. It's a perfect funeral song, except a little too poppy. I've already told my parents that I want a funerary violinist playing Babcotte's Dirge at my funeral, and that's what I'd better get, damn it. Yes, I have planned my funeral. Yes, I am very strange. (but what else would one expect from a person who attempts suicide and is constantly thinking of new and better and more practical ways of doing so?) 

I am also supposed to be studying for my biology test. Wow. I'm not even taking biology this semester (even though it's my major and all). Psychology. Psychology test. Instead, I am typing this blog while I update my iTunes. Yippy Skippy. I am sure to fail it anyway since I missed two weeks of class due to debilitating depression. You know how it goes; or do you? 

Also, I bought the Everyday Minerals sample kit (it's free, you only pay shipping which is $3.), and I really love the stuff I got, particularly the blush. I might order the starter kit or just the blush by itself because I like it so much. It complements my skin tone perfectly.

I lost my phone.

And I hate life. Hate it. 

It was so hard to drive home today without my phone. I desperately wanted to drive my car into the other cars or the trees or the buildings or anywhere but to my house. 

It isn't just about the phone though. I woke up after two hours of sleep, tops, feeling horrible, went to class and wasted an hour of my life. Wasted another hour of my life waiting in line in the financial aid office just to have some lazy person sign a fucking form for me--ugh. Then I came home, almost died on the way, tried to nap, couldn't, had to turn around and go back to school. Got back to school to find that my English teacher wasn't planning on showing up. I wasted another hour and a half of my life sitting around, trying to find something to do. I went to sit outside my history class. I set my phone on my jacket and thought to myself that I'd better make sure I didn't forget to pick it up before I picked up my jacket because then it would fall on the floor, and I'd lose it. And that's exactly what happened. At the end of another wasted and infuriating* history lesson, I checked my pockets and bag for my phone: no phone. Where the fuck was my phone? I looked around the room. Nowhere. I ran into the hallway. No phone. I grabbed my things and ran to the security office to see if anyone had turned it in: no phone. NO fucking phone. Some asshole picked up my phone and just kept it. Or something. What a fucking douchebag. What is wrong with people that they would fucking do that? You find something that is not yours; you take it to lost and found or security or whoever the fuck you think can best handle it. You don't fucking keep it, especially if it's A FUCKING PHONE. MY FUCKING PHONE. So I drove home in a panicked fury, horrifically upset about my phone, desperately wanting to fucking die and wishing I'd gone home when I wanted to because then I wouldn't have lost my phone. Life. I hate it. 

*In history, our teacher asked if any of us was familiar with the lynching of Leo Frank, an important even in Georgia's history. I sheepishly raised my hand as I'm rather intimidated by speaking in that class because I always fuck it up, and then when my teacher began to gesture toward me to speak, the know-it-all douchebag behind me said "oh no, I don't know of it" in a tone that seemed to say "well, obviously if I don't know about it, no one else in here besides you, the teacher, would know" despite the fact that I was sitting in front of him, and my hand was raised, albeit rather sheepishly, as I said. Then I said, "I do." And she asked me to share my knowledge, which I did. I concluded, rather defensively, that none of the morons in my class would have bothered to remember this information from their mandatory state history classes because either they aren't originally from this state, or they really don't fucking care about Jews. I realize that I always go back to the fact that people don't care about Jews, but seriously---goyim don't fucking care about Jews, and I, as a Jew, care about their stupid goyim asses. Double standardized motherfuckers. 

And I've only had the phone for like six months. :o( Panic. Panic. Panic.

Today when I got home I also found out that I will not be able to get my ARC CPR/AED/First Aid cards until NEXT week because my teacher sent the e-mail right when she was leaving school. Hmph. I want them now! So I can show people that I'm certified to save lives and shit. 

On a positive note or two: Today I got my two boxes of delicious Samoas. I had four. I felt sick, but they were delicious. 

I went to see my love dove at work because I was so sad, and he makes me happy, and he gave me key lime pie and french fries and Mr. Pibb, and he gave me a new beer glass---a Hawaiian beer glass, yet another sign that I should be moving to Hawaii in the fall. 

Also, I'm supposed to be getting a relatively large-ish amount of money from the government soon (like yesterday, actually, the bastards), and that will supply me with the funds to get a shiny, new phone that will be even better than the old one, though I did love it so. :o( 

A curse upon the head of that thief.