I did not do any research.

I am a terrible partner. I keep e-mailing my partner saying "yeah, I'll send you this when I finish it." So the only thing I have e-mailed her are quotes from Jonathan Swift's "The Lady's Dressing Room" and Lady Mary Wortley Montagu's response, "The Reasons That Induced Dr. Swift to Write a Poem Called the Lady's Dressing Room". Fantastic! That is only half of what I'm supposed to talk about, and I'm not sure I have it all at the length it should be. And I don't want to read Alexander Pope's ridiculously long "Epistle 2. To a Lady". I find that his writing bores me. Swift's didn't. I rather enjoy bouncing Swift's work around my head, but Pope is just making me sleepy, and this should have been done four days ago. Anyway---I can't concentrate. What a shock.

I just painted my nails, but my hands are shaking (and my joints aching), and they look like crap. I have one day of classes left, and I am free. 

I hate being in pain. I hate being in pain. 

I hate being in pain and having to stand in front of my class for fifteen minutes and talk about things in which they are all uninterested. 

I can't decide if I should take a shower now or in the morning. Perhaps it would make my joints and muscles feel better. 

I'm not coming home between classes tomorrow because I'm meeting my partner at 11:30, which is good because she didn't send me any of her sources, so I couldn't do any of the annotated bibliography that is due with our oral report. I probably should have done more research. I have problems. Ugh. 

I think I will shower now.

3:25 A.M. --after my shower

I am laying bed unable to sleep whilst sniffing the delicious scent of my face lotion. So herbal. I love herbal smells. Again, I really just want to go to Lush and sniff soaps. 

I have the baby in here. He was squealing in the other room, and I just couldn't stand it, so I got him. Then he decided it was play time instead of sleepy time, so I had to stick him back in his carrier. Until he gets sleepy. 

I think I'm going to sleep now. 

I am stuck at the library.

I dragged my brother with me to the library to do my research because I felt too unfocused at home, but now I still feel like I can't get anything done. I am just a failure. I suck. I did a few Google searches, and I'm calling that my research. It was enough because my spiel is mostly about the literature itself, not the people who wrote it. I figure basic biographical information and some historical background is all I need, so there is no need to use GALILEO. Don't worry, boyfriend. I checked my sources for credibility. I am als o really fucking stupid because I forgot to bring a fucking notebook with me. How am I supposed to write anything? Stupid. Also, the other reason I came to the library is to get the book I need for my psychology class, and it turns out that the book does not exist in the library system here. I'll either need to go to another county (GOOGLE!!!) or read it online. I found it online, so I guess I'll do that, and the rest of what I'll do is bullshit the paper I have to write. I am the master of bullshit. Meister von Sheiße. whatever. So this fucking library won't let my brother check a book out for me because you have to show your ID to check out a book. That is nonsense. Nonsense. 

I'm stuck here at the library because there is a fucking maelstrom of wind and rain outside, and I'm not interested in driving in it. I don't want to kill my brother. I mean--if I were alone, I'd go. Ugh. Stupid library. 

I really want a subscription to National Geographic. I'm such a nerd. I want those maps! MAPS! I have this map obsession now.