A quick little update.

I am slotted to work this weekend as an extra in a movie being filmed here, so I will have a little bit of money coming in. Other than that, I am trying to find a more steady job as I am taking a break from school this semester (like I need it---I am so far behind! ugh).

I mixed my own nail polish yesterday. It was my first time ever doing it, and it actually came out pretty well. It reminds me a lot of Color Club Revvvolution, except it is a bit lighter and no holographic-ness to it. It is very pretty nonetheless, and there is a lot of glitter. I used about four different glitter nail polishes in it, two grays, a clear basecoat (to thin it out), some quick dry drops (to thin it out), remnants of Seche Vite topcoat (that's the bottle in which I mixed it), some random Wet 'n' Wild glitter I had lying around, a gold pigment from NYX, a silver pigment from NYX, and a white iridescent pigment from a Hello Kitty stack I bought years ago from Target. The pigments ended up swirling around in the polish, so each application should be a unique experience. That excites me.

I have been doing a lot of e-bay shopping lately. I have spent a total of eighty six dollars or so on e-bay. I bought a gorgeous bra from my favorite bra company (Chantelle) for less than half the retail price (and it is unworn, perfect condition, pretty and lacy, which is not something I can usually wear as I have giant boobs), two nail polishes, some Invader Zim nail decals --not totally sure why I bought those, a Swarovski crystal encrusted snake ring, a cute peridot ring as that is my birthstone, and I have always wanted one!, a lot of five Hamsa pendants, a gold elephant bracelet and maybe something I am forgetting? I do not know.

I also bought a few nail polishes at Walgreens the other day. I bought a Wet 'n' Wild one in Club Havana, which is a nice, neon coral. Two colors from Sinful Colors as I find those nail polishes are fabulous quality, especially for such a cheap price tag. I went to CVS to see if I could find Milani's Dressmaker, which is an exact dupe of Chanel's Jade (which sells now for 400 - 500 USD) and is just a really pretty color, but I could not find it. I shall check other CVS stores. If I am unable to find it, I will try to swap for it or live without it. It is not that important to me, and I am not willing to pay the ridiculous prices people will set for it on e-bay. It is a five fucking dollar nail polish, so I do not think you are justified in setting the base price at fifteen, assholes. I do not care how highly coveted/hard to find the polish is: don't be a dick.

I set up a swap with a girl on MUA, and she has no idea that I am sending her a ridiculous amount of extras. I was already sending her three nail polishes (OPI Got A Date To-Knight, China Glaze Watermelon Rind, and Seche Clear base coat), but I sent her my Poshe top coat because I did not like it even though it is similar to Seche Vite minus all the gross chemicals, and I figured she'd need a thick top coat for Watermelon Rind as it is glittery and thick, which means it'll be chunky feeling without a good, thick top coat. I hope that one works for her. I also sent her a Sally Girl polish in white to use under Got A Date To-Knight because it is a super sheer color that must to be applied over a white base otherwise you'll be applying like five coats to get it opaque. I also sent an OPI mini in You're A Pisa Work. She is only sending me one nail polish and a facial cleanser! I do not know if she will include extras. We shall see. I should receive her package on Wednesday.
I also set up a swap for my black and white striped tunnels that I cannot get into my ears and China Glaze Orange Marmalade (another glittery one; I just don't like glitters that much), but I do not remember offhand what she is sending me. I keep these things recorded, though. I do not think I sent her any extras though. OH! know what she sent me! I already got her package! OPI Chocolate Shake-speare and a Jordana liner in a green sparkly color. And a weird smelling, cheap lip balm. It is a very moisturizing lip balm though. I think I will give it to my sister. Her lips get really dry, and I have tons of lip balms already. I wanted to send her a lip balm tin or two, but I could not find them when I was packing up her package! It shall be sent out today.

Yesterday while I was out with Brother Bear (who left last night, :o(((( I will miss him so much), we found this delightful little antique store behind a DUI school and another antique store, and I was so excited! I found a bunch of really awesome stuff, like a Winnie the Pooh nutcracker, an antique toaster, a bunch of adorable elephant figurines, really nice unicorn figurines, an old-fashioned baby doll stroller, a Swiss musical stein, some adorable necklaces and clutches, a few rooster things for my mom, some owl stuff, adorable furniture, beautiful tableware, a tabletop lighter (I love those!), and lots and lots of other neat things.

I read Middlesex by Jeffree Eugenides, which I hate. I found it to be similar to The Kite Runner in that I believe the author was merely capitalizing on the struggle of intersex individuals at the time of writing and exploiting an important issue just to make money and get on the bestseller list. Oh, and Oprah. Not to mention it is a book that reaches a pretty large audience because it is fiction, and people are afraid to read true stories about things they do not understand --like intersex issues--, and I fear that people will call intersex hermaphrodite, which is incorrect, and they will also just assume that all intersex people are inbred, as the character in the book is closely inbred. Eugenides also wasted a lot of words talking about Greece, explaining the past and did not put much focus on the character's struggle with his sex. It also seems very over-written, like there was too much effort into every single word in the book, and while I know writing should take some effort (it does for most people), I do not want to see your effort. Like dancing, I believe a word of literature should seem as if it was written effortlessly. Not a fan of that book at all. I am not sure if I have already discussed this. I hope I am not repeating myself.

I am going to miss my brother so much while he is away. Obviously I grew up with him, but he was gone at school for three years, and I have had him back at home for a year and a half now, and he is leaving again for school far away. I love my brother! I am so accustomed to having him here now, so I was sad to see him leave. I will have to gather the gas money to go visit him as he will not be coming back home much since his bed is no longer here, and he has to sleep in my room when he visits, which neither of us really likes. He has been having an awfully bad week, too, and I wish I could have cheered him up while he was here. He feels a bit better now though. :o( I miss him!

I suppose there is nothing else new to report, and I shy away from intelligent blog posts. Why would I waste my energy on a silly little blog?

Sick--still? oh, yes.

As I've been purchasing more makeup items, I've been clearing lots out through MUA. I have already sent out two nail polishes of which I'm not particularly fond. I have lots of other items up for swap as well. That's all.

Last week I developed an icky cold, but over the weekend it seemed to have retreated. False. Monday morning, in the middle of English, I became violently ill. I waited through class, and when I was finished I scurried to the caf to get a brownie. Perhaps a brownie would help. No. The brownies at my school happen to be delicious, but the brownie did nothing for me except provide a few extra calories to burn. I drove home. I really wanted to go to my history class to see my grade on my test, but I felt very close to collapse. I took cold medicine and collapsed. I can't take a lot of any type of medicine to alleviate my sore throat, stuffy nose, aches, etc., so I'm particularly miserable. It still hasn't gone away, so I'll be missing classes again this morning. I hate it. I fucking hate missing classes. It's too early in the semester to have missed as many as I already have. :o/

So over the past two days I've been laying in my bed absolutely miserable, reading books and attempting noms when made available. I re-read New Moon, since the movie is soon, and I didn't give it a review before. I also read some of my philosophy stuff. Descartes. I even did the homework assignment we had, though I won't be able to turn it in since I'm sick. I'll have to e-mail my HOT teacher to get the homework for today. I better be well by Friday, since I absolutely must be in class. ugh.

I am going back to bed.

That fucking history class.

If I had just not taken that evil history class, the one I hated, the one I did not need to take, my GPA this semester would have been a 4.0. Since I took the stupid class, didn't drop it, got a D in the fucking class (ugh), my GPA for the semester is a 3.0, making my total GPA unpleasant. Fury. I don't know how I got an A in my Psychology and English classes considering that I didn't really do all that well in either of them. Perhaps my teachers fudged some things. Perhaps they realized my genius and figured my brilliance deserved an A even if my effort didn't. I don't know, but I'm glad at least that those two are As and looking beautiful on my report card. Along with that stupid D. And a W. The W is OK though. I have to figure out what I'm doing next semester. And do my FAFSA! shit. and yeah. I should look into application deadlines. My grades aren't as bad as I thought they'd be this semester. Perhaps I can transfer after all. 

Operation birthday present(s) is kind of finished. I have a teensy concern though. I'm hoping it's not a problem. Perhaps I'll call and check. I'm also hoping he can be on time. It's a timed thing. Can't be late. I'm driving, and I haven't got a good grasp on precisely where I'm going, so it's best to have squidge room, particularly since I tend to get very confused on highways. It's this decreased cognitive functioning. 

I hear my father arriving home. I am going to bombard him. HOT WATER. 

I just need to soak in the fact that I don't have to do anything for THREE MONTHS.

Three months gives me lots of time to ponder my life. I can figure out what's wrong with me. I can play with my meds more. I can get better. I can relax. I can go to the hospital if I want without stressing about missing something important! because sometimes I miss that place so much. I can go to the park and sleep on a bench. (except not) I can go to the library. I can sleep. (I hope) I can shop. (I could do that anyway) 

Which reminds me: I bought new nail polish! and a new eyeshadow. I don't know why I bought the eye shadow because it's green, and I have at least two green eyeshadows in that color already. Whatevs. I have it, and I have a plan for it. If only I had friends and stuff who went out with me, I could use these makeup plans. My life sucks. I am not who I was born to be.

The nail polish is a China Glaze cream color called Shower Together. It's from the Ecollection, which I love. I can't find all the colors at any stores around me, but I collect them as I find them. So I have two colors from it thus far. I have four from the summer collection. I don't like the summer collection all that much. I don't like glittery nail polish all that much. So. Shower Together is a gorgeous blue green, like a pretty ocean. (I have never seen a pretty ocean.) I painted my nails with Wild Mink (bright pink--gorgeous) last night when my hands finally stopped shaking, and they look OK. I also shortened all of them because I was just tired of them being super long. (stupid healthy nails) So my nails look good today. They'll probably look good for a week or so. It doesn't matter though because I'm not going anywhere. 

I was supposed to hang out with Robert today. I slept a lot today, and this morning I typed out the annotated bibliography and mailed it to my teacher, and I don't know. I am feeling particularly unwell. Just not good at all. 

I have a pretty good idea of what I shall discuss in my final essay for English, but I am not sure what I will do about the extra credit essay on Milton's Paradise Lost. It's only the first two books, but that is almost the problem for me. I don't know how to write about a part of something, not the whole. I don't know. I obviously don't have to do it because it's extra credit, but I have to do it because I got a 52 on the first test. And I have to do it well. 

Tomorrow I start studying for my history final. I am going to study so hardcore. I absolutely cannot fail. It is not a choice. 

I do not have to study very hard for my psychology final because it's easy, and it's stuff I already know, but we have to take two tests. Also, I never did the book report, and my teacher would not let me turn it in late, so I have a missing grade. I need to do well on the final to get like..a C probably. This semester is going to destroy my GPA, even if I don't fail anything. Ugh. 

I also must add that I am rather pleased to have found cute shorts that look cute on me. I happen to buy and own a lot of shirts that only look cute with shorts. So I need more than like one pair. I do have my safari shorts, of course, but I never go on safaris! Hmph. 

Finals.

It's finals time! I hate finals. I am not excited about my English final at all because my teacher gave us this really vague question. I hate vague questions! 

And for the oral report, the two groups that went before my partner and me went over time, so we only had like ten minutes to talk, and it sucked because I had to cut stuff out and rush through, and we were just like ...ugh. She particularly put a lot of work into it, so---that was just not cool. Which reminds me---I MUST type our annotated bibliography and send it to our teacher in the morning. If I forget, I will cry. So yes. I will do it. I suppose I could do it right now, after I finish typing this. I will. Then I have to start studying for my history final. I have to get an A. I cannot get anything less than an A. I have some studying to do for my psychology final, and I suppose I should start thinking about my English final, but it's not due until next Thursday. 

My joints are hurting a lot. My muscles are hurting a lot. My face feels bruised. I'm getting concerned about it. I usually just assume that I'm being a hypochondriac and paranoid, but I'm starting to think I might actually have some kind of sickness. But it could also be a result of my new medicine. I figure since most of the muscle problems have been happening for a long time (before I started the medicine), I should have it checked out. I hope they tell me I'm just crazy. I don't like weird symptoms that I can't even think of an explanation for them. (and that sentence) I mean--the joints are arthritic, but it's getting particularly bad. Hmph. 

I was really stressed and frazzled today for some reason. I've stopped taking my Xanax whenever I get really upset. Today I couldn't take any because I didn't get any sleep. I didn't want to fall asleep before my oral report, even though I ended up not really needing to be awake at all. I did, however, make my delicious cinnamon chocolate coffee this morning, and I had two cups of it, and it was delicious, except then I had to pee ALL day. School's over, so I should feel a bit more calm, and I have my summer projects! I was going to apply for something over the summer, but I decided not to. It's OK. I need to rest. It's ridiculous.

I'm considering sending out applications to other schools just to see if I get accepted, and perhaps if I get accepted to the one I like, I'll take out bunches of loans and run away to an island and play in the sand and jump off cliffs and stuff. Or not. 

Oh, maybe I'll find a job. I should look into that before high school is out. Stupid high school students making more money than I do. 

I have two books from the library to read, and I'm excited about them. One is super nerdy and what one would expect me to read. Darwin. And the other is a collection of short stories by Neil Gaiman. Since Amanda Palmer keeps talking about Neil Gaiman, I just have to see why. So I grabbed the book. I find my best readings come from the random books I grab in libraries and book stores. So I have lots of books to read over the summer. Yay! And I hope this summer won't go the same direction that last summer did.

And my birthday had better be super awesome. 

And so had my anniversary with love dove. 

And so had my summer projects. 

And everything else in my life. 

I should probably go back to sleep now. Oh, after the annotated bibliography. Yes. 

Into the Wild

I finished it in less than twenty four hours. I did not find it especially interesting nor especially well written. For every journalist out there: YOU ARE NOT A CREATIVE WRITER. DO NOT ATTEMPT ANY CREATIVITY. PLEASE. This book would be fine and dandy if Jon Krakauer could admit to himself that he is a journalist writing a book and go from there, but he didn't. He did his journalistic duty, and then he just had to add in some creative flair, you know, to incite the masses to read this unnecessary biography. Yes, it's sad. Yes, it's interesting. Yes, I would recommend reading it. No, I don't think it's that fucking special. I think this story deserves a lot more than what Krakauer was capable of giving it. He should have called Tom Wolfe for this one. 

There is something that very much irritates me about peoples' apparent fascination with dramatic death, like starving to death in an abandoned bus just a few miles from help in the Alaskan wilderness or being eaten by bears with your girlfriend. This kind of story is the National Bestselling type, but all those sweet memoirs written by non-journalists about someone special go unread all the time. ALL THE TIME. Basically, no one cares about you unless you went out in a fantastic, awful way. Why are stupid, perhaps slightly unbalanced people deserving of memoirs but normal people are not? Fuck, man. Get happy. 

In other news, no news. Still feeling negative/stressed about school. People? Blech. I feel a crusade against sexism bubbling to my surface. Oy. Maybe I will go to Alaska, get away for a while, catch some sights, die. Whatever.