More listing?

Not now, I guess. 

Though having some Got2B Cosmic Shimmering Shine serum would be SUHWEET. I just can't find it anywhere. It makes me really sad. 

Anyway, I realized I didn't make an epic list of hair products that I want but don't need and shouldn't buy. It mostly involves new straighteners, curlers, curling irons, wavers, and various serums and pomades and glues, etc. I could probably go more crazy with hair stuff than anything. I love hair stuff, and my hair is like...ugh. 

I hate letting my hair grow. It gets so annoying when it's past my shoulders. I like having short, bouncy hair, but then I can't really curl it. :o/ What to do? Right now the length is really annoying, and it's still pretty short. My hair just grows so fast! Ah! 

In an effort to be slightly more healthy and inject some protein into my diet, I have been eating lots of nuts. I love nuts. I am eating cashews and almonds and pecans. I do not like Brazil nuts all that much, and the filberts could also be left out of my mixed nuts. Hmph! 

Since I don't like to take valerian root two days in a row (not to mention experience the disgusting flavor consecutively), I can't sleep right now. I took 900 mg again last night, and I slept all day. I got up once at like noon because I hear Pierre squealing because Domino had gotten into the house, and he wanted to play with him. Then I woke up again to let Horus out and let Pierre take a nap with me. Then I woke up when Pierre woke up and put him out. So now I'm up. For keeps. I can't decide if I should read a smart book (i.e. Not Twilight) or watch a smart movie (i.e. not Twilight) or just take the damn pills. Or perhaps I could do something productive and study for my finals or start writing my final paper. I won't, but I should. 

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my psychiatrist, and I will ask him about this face thing. If he says it's abnormal, then I shall scurry to my other doctor. 

Old episodes of House are on! Must watch.

---later. 

About my lists! I updated all of my Amazon wish lists, and by that I mean I pared them down to the bare essentials: on them are things I actually want to own. I feel like I overwhelm people with my epic wanting. Again, I hate this wanting. Wanting is the bane of my existence, my gadfly of sorts. (That was a pretentious allusion, fyi.) <-- That's for D's benefit. And Robert's if he reads this, since we talked about how I think it's funny when people find me pretentious, and how I sometimes like to perpetuate that by saying things that I know are pretentious and obnoxious and hilarious. Except I know that Robert would get the allusion. D doesn't read that kind of stuff. Ha! INFERIOR, MUCH? j/k

So my parents found out my IQ. I thought they knew since like...they're supposed to tell your parents when they give you crazy tests and find out that you're kind of a little bit on the above average end of things, and somehow my parents didn't know. So I told them. And my mom didn't really know what the numbers meant. My dad does though. So my mom is like "ohmyg0d my kid really is smart!" and my dad's all like "see? you're wasting your brain." and people wonder why I dumb it down. Shit like that. THEN my mom was telling my grandmother, and I was like "omg I don't even tell my friends this shit. It's supposed to be a huge secret, and you're sharing it with people who gossip!" My life is ruined. This will be the death of me. I'm going to have to drop out of community college (har har) and work at a really bad place for the rest of my life to prove them wrong. On that note, if one more person gives me shit about where I receive my education, I might punch them in the face. Seriously. It doesn't diminish how capable I am. Or anything. And you can go fuck yourself. (and you know who you are) Life is ruined. I mean---my grandmother never expected me to do anything anyway, and even when I tell her what my major is and what I plan to do with my life, she imagines it as being this incredibly easy thing (because DNA is simple--no big deal and biology is a really easy degree to get, like I don't even have to go to class to finish that shit---anyone could do it). Yeah. My life requires no effort or intelligence; she believes. And my brother is wasting his life. 

How can you waste your life if you're doing something that makes you happy? I happen to feel happy when thinking about DNA and stuff. I happen to feel happy reading biology textbooks. I happen to feel happy when I think of a cool experiment. I happen to feel very happy when my biology professors compliment me on how scientific my approach is to everything. Or when anyone tells me how very analytical I am of everything because it can only help me in my work. Fucking people. And I liked my secret! It's so not anyone's business. Makes.me.mad. and embarrassed. and I want to quit life. Seriously. This makes me want to go to Hawaii so bad and never come home. because I don't want to see anyone in my family. They love to talk. Gossip is not my thing. 

I feel like I might need to make a list of something now. People I respect in makeup!?!!! Pablo Manzoni. A fucking genius if ever one existed. He's old now. His work was once quite beautiful though. Oh, those feathers. Oh....the genius. I can't find any of the work he did that got Elizabeth Arden's attention way back when on the interwebs, but it was gorgeous. Genius. 

People use feathers and such now and think they are SO creative. No, you're not. 

It just makes me want to glue feathers to my face! halloweeeeeen. yay. 

I am way too hyper for this time of night. (1:26 A.M.) I really don't want to take the valerian root. I want to buy some melatonin and anything else that might help with my sleep, so I can like switch it out. But I hear that melatonin isn't allowed to be sold in lots of other countries, like Germany, which makes me think it might not be too smart to take it. I mena--it's a hormone, natural and all, but it does have some important roles in the body, and I don't like to fuck with my hormones too much. So---maybe not a good idea. 

I guess I'll find something to do. Draw. Paint. Write. Read. Watch YT videos. Hate people. 

Oh, and this apparently counts as SPAM.

I swear. The person in the video WAS looking at the camera, not the road, and at one point she took her hands completely off the wheel WHILE DRIVING ON THE HIGHWAY. 

And my concern for her life and the life of her passenger is SPAM. 

I.hate.people.

P.S. I need a huge nail polish rack to stick on my wall. I am building quite the collection.

New Post.

Third of the day. 

In addition to my lists, I would like to add more things, less listy like.

I have been in a rather befuddled state the last few days. I don't understand anything. At all. People and their relationship-y things, especially. We? WE?! And trust? And so many things. They don't make sense. I don't know why. 

A quick note though--when people comment "wow you need to calm down" it really makes me want to punch them in the face. If I'm upset enough to say something that would warrant such a comment, there is a good chance I know I should calm down, unless you think I'm a colossal moron on top of the fact that my calmness is not to your liking. I mean---it's just a stupid thing to say. Just stupid. Useless. Pointless. Wasteful. I prefer not to waste my words. I think others should follow suit. 

My lips are dry. And people can be so melodramatic. WORSE than I am. I've never expected to see anything like that. I always expect myself to be the most sensitive, obnoxious, etc. person around. And I'm so not. Fail. Or win? 

P.S. There exists a place called "Burger Win." I believe it used to say like..wing(s?), but the letters disappeared and never came home, making it one of the five coolest signs in the universe. 

Je ne comprends pas!

One of these days, I'll have something nice to say. Honest.

Something in this room smells like a mixture of vomit and urine, and that both disturbs and disgusts me at the same time. What the fuck is it? And WHERE? It has to go. It is really gross.

I have been rather displeased with people lately, but I am not completely sure why. I blame it on my mood. Then I wonder if my mood can be blamed on people? I never blame my mood on people. I accept full responsibility for my feelings, unlike most. Stupid people.
Anyway, I feel rather down on people at the moment. The other night, a friend of mine wanted me to hang out with him, and because I hadn't seen him in a long time, I said okay. I insisted that another friend come along though. All of my friends smoke. All of them. I do not smoke. I cannot smoke, and more than that, I cannot be around smoke. It is physically painful for me to be around smoke. One would think one's friends would care and be considerate of this, right? Mine are not. They actually acted as if I were being bitchy simply for the sake of being bitchy.
I expect too much from people, obviously, when it comes to considering other people and other people's health. Being asthmatic, I've always had this problem. People don't understand, so they don't care.
My own mother doesn't even take consideration for me. She is always smoking in the house, and she always has. I have heard my doctors tell my mother that they (i.e. my parents) should not smoke around me AT ALL throughout my entire life, yet she still smokes around me. When I was hospitalized for pneumonia, I thought my mother might stop being selfish and stop smoking around me. I was wrong. I find her smoking in the house all the time, and as soon as I smell the smoke, my chest begins to tighten. I have asked her repeatedly to stop, and she ignores me.
If my own mother doesn't respect my lungs, how can I expect anyone else to do so?
It makes me so fucking angry.
Apparently most people don't understand how painful it is to be unable to breathe. It is unlike most other pains. Having experienced a good deal of them myself, I am confident saying so. (I don't care how that sounds. I am really pissed off.) It makes me so angry to hear people complain about pain to me and act as if I have never been in pain is the thing I'm getting at here. It drives me insane. I have more to say, but I am too not-in-the-mood to bother.
No one will read it anyway! Ha.

I am going to find that smell and get rid of it. It is so fucking disgusting. Ugh.
P.S. I love random tags!
P.P.S I tried to make a list of ten things about which to be happy today, but I could only think of five things. I should have just made a list of things about which to be happy, that way I could have made my list and felt better. I fuck myself up too much.