New Roller Lash!

Benefit Cosmetics LLC

29 June 2009


I painted my nails.
That's Dazzle by Orly. It's pretty true to the color in the bottle. That's also only one coat. Pretty good, I'd say. 

So I'm in a pretty bad mood, as per usual. And appropriately enough, "You Just Can't Smile It Away" by Bill Withers just popped up in my iTunes. It's really not that appropriate, but it sounds like it is. Fun times. 

There is absolutely no relief. I don't want normal feelings anymore. I want no more feelings. It's exhausting. 

I bought new sandals. They're cute. They are red and gold. 

I pretty much want to kill myself just for the fuck of it. I know that's not normal. But looking at it rationally--what else would I do? continue going to school to no end. stay with my parents who resent me for, like, breathing. continue to not get a job? I'm a failure. That's all I have to say. 

Other news, I am kind of a little bit interested in the Colour Craft collection coming out in a few days from MAC. I might need a couple of those MSFs. 

I want to clean my room. I can't do it. Again, I am a failure. 

Miles Davis = brilliant muzac. 

Oh and my boyfriend has decided that today he should be aloof and unavailable, not that I have anything to say. 

I have retinol on my face. I forgot that it dries the skin like it's pure alcohol or something. Oh, and I have really dry skin, fyi. 

I'm tanning again. I am starting to become nauseated by the smell of fake tanners, but I am more nauseated by the idea of skin cancer, so that's OK. I don't have a problem with pale skin though. I have a problem with my skin being like "oh no I can't be one color--I need to be blue and purple, too". I have to cover the death somehow. 

Like O, Like H by Tegan and Sara is such a good song. 

I wish my MacBook was dirt proof. It's a bitch to clean. 

My head hurts. I can't concentrate on books to read them. I can't really sit and watch a movie either. I'm considering going pretend shopping or something. 

Except I can't go pretend shopping because I can't drive because I just took three different kinds of tranquilizers. If I don't feel better in half an hour, I'm going to be mad, for obvious reasons. 

A few reasons to at least live out the month of July: Public Enemies, Harry Potter, some other movies. After that is my birthday, and I'm not interested in knowing how pathetic I'll feel on my birthday, so I'd rather pretend it's not happening (but with presents, assuming I'm not dead). 

How much does this resemble a year ago? I bet it's a lot. 

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