I have discovered a new compulsion: the compulsion to have new things. Many people who suffer from OCD have this problem. These are the people who have houses full of random objects with which they refuse to part, ever, until they die. They have to save their medicine bottles, newspapers, boxes, books, possibly even paper towels. I have a space filled with books, papers, shoes, makeup, makeup packaging, clothes, storage devices not currently in use, a guitar I never play, a keyboard I never play anymore, dust bunnies, makeup catalogues, college application forms that I will never use, plastic bags, cardboard boxes (evil cardboard! eiw.), paper that needs to be recycled, bedding packaging, handbags, stuffed animals, protest signs, posters, collectibles, empty plastic containers waiting to be recycled, lotions, water bottles, beer glasses that I don't use, DVDs that I don't watch, clothes I don't wear, OHMYKOSHERMEATS THIS IS INSANE. I add to this pile at least once a week. I must add to this pile at least once a week, twice preferably. I am filled with extreme anxiety if I am unable to add new things, yet I don't need new things (except purple nail polish--I still need that). It's disgusting. I must speak to my therapist. This will be top priority next Monday when I see her, after I've bought some mousse for my hair and some nail polish and some eyeliner and an eyebrow pencil and maybe some foundation or mascara or a foundation primer or something really, really important like that.
I think I am developing some sort of mania. That is priority two for therapy. This is important. I should write this on some paper that can accompany me to therapy. I am going to do it. I am going to write this shit on a piece of paper and stick it in my purse. That's what I'm doing. I don't think there are types of mania, diagnostically, but for sure I have manic episodes, just not real ones. I guess that makes no sense.
Anyway, that's happening, and it's weird, and I don't like it.
I am drinking 125 calories of delicious goodness right now! Vitamin Water XXX. Love it.
*Shpilkes - noun. Nervous energy. (Yiddish)